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Gordon Lightfoot
whakatakitimes.nz
Warning
Satire
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has loved her European trip, meeting with all sorts of nice European leaders who say she’s doing a really good job.
It made a nice change from what it’s like for her in New Zealand, where she can barely leave the house without getting confronted with protesters booing and yelling “RESIGN”.
“It’s so weird that everyone in America and Europe understands that we know what’s best for our people,” Ardern told our reporters. “Why can’t New Zealanders just understand that we know what’s best for them and be kind?”
This follows two recent polls by Roy Morgan and Curia that show 50% of New Zealanders believe that New Zealand is “heading in the wrong direction”.
“Well that’s just because people have been reading misinformation and it’s made them think that we’re doing a bad job,” said Ardern, smiling sweetly.
“Why do people even do polls? If people are telling the pollsters that we’re doing a bad job, and then they publish the result that says we’re doing a bad job, then obviously people are going to think we’re doing a bad job,” Ardern explained perfectly logically.
“But we’re not doing a bad job, we’re doing a great job!”
While the overseas tour has been a welcome break for the PM, all good things must come to an end eventually – she has a short stop in Australia and then back to NZ. “Really not looking forward to going back home where people boo me all the time.
“The only reason they’re booing though is because of misinformation which makes them incorrectly think I’m doing a bad job…URGH I don’t want to go back to New Zealand!”, said the Prime Minister of New Zealand.
The Whakataki Times is following up on whether the Prime Minister plans to ban independent polling, or whether she’ll extend the ban to include elections too.
More to come.
