Table of Contents
Gordon Lightfoot
whakatakitimes.nz
Warning
Satire
DEATH AND TAXES
After a spectacular backflip on a plan to start taxing New Zealanders’ KiwiSaver fees, Labour has also quietly put the brakes on a separate plan to steal money directly from children’s piggy banks.
The controversial plan was going to be step two of Labour’s scheme to collect enough money to make more grand announcements about projects that will probably never happen. However when they failed to complete step one, which was sneaking the KiwiSaver tax grab through, the “piggy bank smash” phase had to be put on ice.
“It’s disappointing for sure,” said Finance Minister Grant Robertson. “I was really looking forward to smashing into the savings of those greedy little brats who haven’t been paying their fair share.
“I even went to Bunnings and got some hammers, it was going to be great!” explained the man who had previously printed enough money to plunge the country into recession.
“No it’s Putin’s war and COVID that caused inflation!” shrieked the man who clearly failed fifth form accounting, refusing to admit that it was the government’s response to the pandemic that was the real disaster.
Local small business owner and father of two, Tom Maher was thrilled about the news that the Government had flipped on their KiwiSaver and Piggy Bank tax grabs. “Yeah it’s great news! Gee it didn’t take long did it. Turns out they are capable of listening to the public!
“They always seem to need money though don’t they. Who knew that running a government that doesn’t achieve anything could be so expensive!”
More to come.
