It would appear that a number of those writing for A Weekend Newspaper thought that, presumably because it was a long weekend, we needed a few laughs. Pages 18 to 23 provided plenty of those, many from the usual contributors.
The first enforced guffaw came very early on page 18 in an article where Claire Trevett was interviewing Grant Robertson and Jacinda Ardern. Claire asked Grant what was Jacinda’s best attribute. His reply – HER FIERCE INTELLECT! I was really pleased my mouth was devoid of liquid.
Evidently Grant taught her to drink, presumably Mummy wasn’t around, although we are talking alcohol and due to her FIERCE INTELLECT, she knows far more about whiskey than he does. (Anyone like to scotch that claim? Ha Ha!) And here’s a bit of goss, they had a sleepover together at Premier House to watch the Netball World Cup final. I bet that was fun! Asked for an election slogan for 2020 Jacinda replied ‘Let’s Keep Doing This – Let’s Keep Going’. Sounds like an election loser to me.
Moving on to page 20 and up pops the very unreadable Simon Wilson with a totally boring two-page dissertation on why he thinks John Tamihere lost the election. His reason is one only he could come up with – Tamihere copied Trump. It sure is tough being The Donald, you cop the blame for everything, even some poor sod in Auckland (wherever that is) losing an election. All because Tamihere used the term someone’s going to jail, a clear reference to Hillary’s “lock her up!” Simon seems oblivious to the fact that it actually worked for Trump. The only similarity I see between the two men is both their surnames start with the letter T.
Page 22 brings us to another ace contributor by the name of Lizzie Marvelly. Lizzie tells us she’s into trains, or choo choos as she calls them, ever since reading Thomas the Tank Engine. She’s sensibly reached the conclusion that trams up Dominion Road are a waste of time (are you listening Phil?), and she has the answer. A metro rapid rail that goes all over Auckland including the North Shore and out to the airport. She admits it wouldn’t be the silver bullet to all the transport problems but it would be a big help. Discussing the costings Lizzie, like most left thinking people, goes somewhat off the rails. She correctly points out the cost of the silly tram idea has blown out to six billion but somehow thinks for another four billion her idea can be implemented. Lizzie says it’s a good time to borrow and there’s a surplus to kick start the project. Not as much as you think my dear. The fat controller of finances may have something to say on that!
Here we are on page 23 and we find more words of wisdom from the lovely Audrey Young. Now Audrey must have been talking to Claire because Audrey says the coalition is thriving on the PM’s talent. Audrey obviously missed the last set of polls but never mind. She tells us that two years ago today, Jacinda Ardern stood on Parliament’s forecourt looking radiant but without a clue of what lay ahead. Well, she still hasn’t! But again, never mind. With little experience behind her Ardern had managed relationships with Labour’s partner parties surprisingly well for the past two years. Really? In our world, it’s Winston Peters, who put her there, who’s been managing things and not very well other than for himself.
Audrey says that returning on the bus from the swearing in ceremony she delivered a few words to the faithful. They were not particularly well crafted but no one cared. Well, we do now Audrey. She concluded by saying there will be good days and there will be bad days. My question is – how much longer do we have to wait for the start of the good days? If you read the entirety of Audrey’s article you could be forgiven for thinking all is John Dory, (mustn’t leave out the fisherman), that we are witnessing a love in when we all know very differently.
The moral of all of this is: Don’t buy or subscribe to A Newspaper for serious journalism, subscribe to The BFD. However, if you want a laugh A Newspaper might be your thing. The beauty of The BFD is you get both, two for the price of one!
https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/10/happy-subscription-day-2/ https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/09/the-bfd-is-revving-its-engine/ https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/10/we-are-the-bfd-hear-us-roar-2/ https://thebfd.co.nz/2019/10/why-you-should-subscribe-today/
