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Big Nigel
Satire
West Coast NZ
TEHRAN/WELLINGTON – Following reports that several Iranian naval vessels have recently been sent to the bottom of the ocean, Iranian officials have reportedly contacted New Zealand seeking expert guidance on how to “make the most of a perfectly good shipwreck”.
The request specifically asked for assistance from the crew involved with the HMNZS Manawanui, which sank off Samoa in 2024 after running aground during a reef survey.
Iranian naval spokesperson Rear Admiral Amin Abooat said the country is keen to explore “positive opportunities” arising from ships that are now resting permanently on the seabed.
“We understand New Zealand has successfully demonstrated how a modern naval vessel can transition into a thriving underwater attraction,” he said.
“This is the kind of innovation we’re looking for.”
According to defence sources, Iranian planners are particularly interested in the “marine reserve approach”, where a destroyed vessel is reframed as an artificial reef and premium scuba-diving location rather than an operational mishap.
“They’ve basically said, ‘If the ship’s already down there, you may as well sell dive tours’,” one Western analyst explained.
Early proposals reportedly include:
• “Guided Revolutionary Reef Tours”
• Underwater missile-shaped coral gardens
• A souvenir kiosk on the nearest coastline
Back in New Zealand, defence officials declined to comment on the request but confirmed the wreck of the Manawanui now lies roughly 30 metres underwater after the vessel struck a reef and sank during survey operations.
All 75 people onboard were safely evacuated during the incident, which investigators later attributed to a series of human errors including confusion over the ship’s autopilot system.
Reaction on the West Coast has been mixed.
Local resident Lou Sarsoul said he was impressed the country’s naval mishap had achieved international recognition.
“Look, if Iran wants tips, we’ve clearly got experience,” he said.
“You don’t see many countries accidentally inventing a reef with a $100-million boat.”
Meanwhile fisherman Mike Ockhurtz said the whole situation sounded familiar.
“Typical Kiwi attitude,” he said.“If something breaks, sinks, or falls over – just call it a tourist attraction and move on.”
Iranian officials confirmed they are now studying the New Zealand model carefully.
“If we cannot float the ships,” Admiral Abooat said, “we may simply lean into the scuba tourism angle.”
This article was originally published on the writer’s Facebook page.
