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Labour Thinking Explainer Editor
Minister of Finance Grant Robertson announced today that all taxation will be abolished.
Speaking to the world via a group conference call through Jacinda Ardern’s monopoly media empire he laid out an historic change to government revenue gathering.
“This is another world first,” he said, “for the most progressive world-leading government in the world.
“As signalled by Transport Minister Michael Wood, we are moving to a FEE based economy. Instead of paying tax people will be charged a FEE.
“Take income tax for example, everyone knows it is a sham that employees pay the tax. Employees play no part in paying it. Employers pay the government directly – income tax is their responsibility.
“It is our intention under equity laws soon to be brought in that all employees will earn exactly the same amount, so under the new scheme, employers will pay a set FEE for each employee.
“The self employed will also pay set FEES for the privilege of working.
“All levies and other taxation will be renamed FEES, or preferably the Maori translation, UTU – thus abolishing taxation in Aotearoa.
“Inland revenue will be rebranded UTU Aotearoa.”
Labour Publicity Exposé Explainer Editor:
A recent story appearing in one of Jacinda Ardern’s media empire publications that claimed Labour was charging $1,795.00 per business person to attend a meet and greet with Ardern and her ministers, according to our sources, was incorrect.
Labour will actually pay business leaders $1,795.00 to attend and has hired movie extras to shout “We love you Jacinda” on cue.
TVNZ News will be covering this extremely good news event for weeks.
White Supremacist Explainer Editor
Jacinda Ardern’s investigative-reporters-collective are in a fit of high dudgeon after they were scooped by Golriz Ghahraman: world-famous World Court cafeteria assistant and professional CV polisher. They had been hunting everywhere for a large cabal of white supremacists in Aotearoa to expose.
Ghahraman outed Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern as Aotearoa’s leading white supremacist with a white saviour complex over the They Are Us movie. The complex is a state of mind in which an individual believes that they alone are responsible for saving or assisting others. In particular people of colour.
Ardern’s all-women, investigative-reporters-collective and man-bun associates, retorted with the reasonable assessment that Green Party co-leader James Shaw was just as guilty when he brags he can save the world from the CO2/methane apocalypse by sacrificing all New Zealanders on a massive bonfire of hubris.
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