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TWE Jacinda Ardern Explainer Editor:
The Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern announced today that things will be more structured in the future so that businesses can organise their affairs in a more rational way.
The underutilised minister, Phil Tryford, is drawing up a new schedule of planned lockdowns for the coming year (which may be ready by 2025) to ensure businesses and employers can plan ahead.
The schedule, which before was only available to to senior government members and their families, will now also be available to the general public.
Aucklanders will now have the luxury of booking their baches in advance and will be able to exit the city before roadblocks go up.
To manage the lockdowns Dr Siouxsie Wiles, the world-famous expert in fluorescent jellyfish, has been appointed to head the new ministry KARENZ – signalled in a previous edition of The Woke Examiner.
The PM said Siouxsie has shown great mastery in bull horning via Twitter and her expertise with an electric cattle prod was legend.
The Prime Minister also announced the construction of a wall around the whole of south Auckland – the epicentre of all outbreaks.
This will be a major boost to the economy and will keep Aotearoa safe from mass deaths, she said.
However, she warned, once constructed, this will not in any way stop the scheduled lockdowns.
In a confidential TikTok message to her team of $50m – exclusively leaked by The Woke Examiner – Jacinda Ardern praised their uniformity of message and commitment to her goals.
Ending with her words of wisdom, “while we are heading in the right direction, remember, they ain’t woke till they’re all broke.”
Maori News Round-Up:
The Maori Council has put in a treaty claim over state broadcasting’s continual peppering of the news with Maori words and phrases.
Spokes-kaumatua Puku Nui, pronouncing from the Council’s Whare-headquarters in Wellington, said that it was cultural appropriation of the worst kind – a white supremacist, colonist mindset that has to be nipped in the bud.
“It is a disrespecting of the Maori language that can only be mitigated by a licensing fee of $100 per word. Pakeha have been stealing from Maori for centuries.
“Our preference”, he said, “would be for them to cease and desist entirely as no one will bother to learn Te Reo in full. The white middle class activists who are pushing this have no idea of the consequences.
“Everyone will end up speaking a mongrelised pidgin of Maori and English which will be incomprehensible to the rest of the world and each other.”
He also lambasted the replacement of New Zealand with Aotearoa as it was dreamed up by some patronising white dude colonist in the 1800s.
Once again Maori have not been consulted – nor anyone else for that matter.
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