Sir Bob Jones
nopunchespulled.com
Below, a recent self-explanatory exchange of correspondence with an Auckland Bayleys commercial property agent. While Sunil’s efforts ain’t up to art critic standards, he could pick up a few bob on the side writing wine reviews.
“Dear Sunil Bhana,
I refer to your display advertisement in the NZ Herald for 8 Turin Place, Otara.
This building which you describe as a “hard working industrial” could be of great interest to my company. However, that depends on the nature of the work you say it does. For example, if it simply sits in front of a computer all day then lacking any visual appeal, that would be of no interest.
On the other hand, if say its work is in the entertainment category, be it singing, juggling, cage-fighting or whatever, then it obviously would have enormous appeal. So too if its “hard work” entails more conventional activities such as lawn-mowing, carpentry, and the like.
I would appreciate your prompt advice on this issue and once I’ve heard from you, will have people from my Auckland office contact you to inspect the building at its work, with a view to purchasing it.
Yours faithfully,
Sir Robert Jones”
“Good Evening, Sir Robert,
Thank you for your email regarding this “hard working industrial” property.
As a highly experienced property investor, you would have seen more buildings than most. I’m sure you’ll agree that whilst there is an element of marketing puffery in the description of the building, there are many industrial premises in the country whose sole purpose is to receive goods from offshore, store them briefly, then redistribute around New Zealand. These warehouses serve a purpose but seem a bit lazy to me. Personally, the sight of an old workhorse filled with the flexing muscle of Gantry cranes and welders actually building something here in little old NZ does excite me. They just seem to put in more effort.
I have attached the Information Memorandum for this property, and also the adjoining road front property which we also have available for sale and welcome the opportunity to show Greg, Chris, or any of your Auckland based team through the premises. I do hope they share my excitement.
I would be happy to discuss further or provide any additional information you require.
Kind regards,
Sunil.”
“Dear Sunil,
Not a bad effort but still bullshit.
Regardless of the use of the building the cold, hard, indisputable fact is that the building is sitting quietly, not moving and certainly not working, either lazily or busily.
Still, I suppose it’s some consolation that even if writing nonsense captions, Bayleys in Auckland at least confine their advertising to buildings. In Wellington, they’ve given up altogether and confine their advertising solely to photos of their personnel.
Best wishes,
Bob Jones”
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