Information
Satire
Good morning to you all; my Coronial Subjects, it is I: Go-hard Go-early Jacinda, Queen of New Zealand, Most-efficacious Saviour of the Nation.
You will all, by now, in this time of crisis, have noticed the superb communication skills I wield in the baddle against our common enemy, and my udder determination to rid this pleasant land of private enterprise and misconceptions both.
To this end, I have been extremely clear and transparent from the get-go, and on top of things, hard and early, prepared and ready to employ both my communication barrels, yes – head-nods AND double-adjectives – in my war on pestilent truth.
Those of you, my subjects, old enough, will remember my press conference of March 4th, 2020, when I nodded so furiously to emphasise a point I loosened a filling:
Reacting to the news of a second Kung-flu victim within these shores I employed a precise word as an adjective, an old word, a word older even than the Boomers, a word derived from Veritas – my predecessor as Goddess of Truth – to describe the potential risk posed to those who came in contact with asymptomatic Kung-flu carriers, saying to the nation: not that the risk of transmitting the virus was “low”, nor did I say the risk was “very low”, you will recall I declared the risk as “very, very, low“. And that is why we are here.
I will now hand over to Basil Bush, Coordinator of Operations for the Ministry of Truth, to explain my demeaning. Thank you for understanding.
If you enjoyed this BFD article please consider sharing it with your friends.
