As I write this, the song “1999” by Prince is playing through my headphones and it certainly sums up what must have been happening in the Scott Morrison household in recent days. Had he been re-elected, he would have continued being – horror of horrors – a target for the media and opponents – 24 hours a day, being blamed for everything that goes wrong, getting ear bashed when he (very) occasionally meets any ordinary people, never given credit for anything that goes right; you know what I mean, dear reader: Actually governing Australia.
Now Scott is many things but a fool isn’t one of them. Oh no. Oh no sireeeeee – “Scott from marketing” isn’t a prize bunny hellbent on making life difficult for himself.
Like Turnbull, Abbott, Rudd, Gillard, Howard and Keating before him, Scott Morrison has suddenly found paradise: That definable state of rapture that many seek but few in life manage to achieve; and he’s only just turned 54 so has “decades in paradise” to look forward to. He is no longer to be known as “Scott from marketing”. Henceforth he is to be known as “Salivatin’ Scott”, who has found all his Christmases come to life.
What (you may well ask) is this paradise? This state of rapture? Didn’t he just lose an election? Hasn’t his life just fallen apart? Didn’t we all see him on the news deeply disappointed? (Oh you are an amusing little poppet, dear reader; your naivety is so endearing, it really is!). It was all for show. Be under no illusion about that folks.
Salivatin’ Scott has just discovered that glorious El Dorado of untold riches – the Former Prime Minister of Australia Scam: the greatest lark in town; the gravy train that keeps on giving. And giving.
Starting from the day he leaves parliament, Scott Morrison pockets at least a $300,000 ‘former prime minister’ salary, although the exact amount is as clear as mud – and deliberately so. They base it on a formula that nobody understands so nobody can rumble those trousering the money.
In the meantime there is his salary as a backbench MP ($211,000), but it’s customary for former prime ministers to retire fairly quickly in Australia.
But wait – there’s more, a lot more.
He gets an office, office staff, a chauffeur-driven car; free this, that, the other; generous travel allowance; and so much more. All he has to do is occasionally play the part of the ‘sage elder statesman’ (to make it look good) and it continues for the rest of his life. Oh and no worrying about inflation either; it’s inflation indexed.
Sort of makes you wonder why Scott Morrison bothered trying to get re-elected. To me, the former prime minister lark sounds a lot more fun, and far better paid.
In true Australian fashion John Howard when prime minister – and in true John Howard rat-cunning fashion of leaving nothing to chance – reformed (ahem ‘reformed’) the ‘former prime minister salary, expenses and other perks’ system; strictly speaking, since 2004 everything is dished out with the annual (ahem) ‘approval’ of the incumbent prime minister. The implication being the incumbent prime minister could always put a stop to it… (okay I just burst out laughing too, dear reader!)
Sources: https://www.crikey.com.au/2019/09/02/australian-mps-pay-after-parliament/https://www.news.com.au/finance/work/leaders/what-exactly-is-malcolm-turnbull-entitled-to-in-life-after-parliament/news-story/bd7255c7ea86b9497046372bdffb9c80
