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Labour Government Explainer Editor
The Minister for Justice Kris Faafoi laid out his intentions for the implementation of the coming world-leading hate speech laws.
“They are,” he said, “designed to make Aotearoa a more cohesive and compliant twin-nation of Iwi Maori and others.
“The new law is the first step in placing tikanga above common law for the up and coming He Puapua tribal republic.
“Theft, burglary, assault and battery as major crimes are a racist, white supremacist construct, oppressively foisted on Iwi Maori.
“Insulting speech, often derogatory of Maori concepts like mana, tapu, rahui, utu and muru – has for too long been left unpunished.
“Its punishment should carry far more weight than the minor white supremacist constructs of crime.
“Let’s not forget in the more peaceful, civilised times of the early 1800s, insult could result in an opposing tribe being killed and eaten, with the left-overs paddling the victors back home, to be snacked on later.
“Such was the seriousness in which insult was held as a crime.
“Our new hate speech laws will reflect that.”
When asked who would define exactly what hate speech was, Kris Faafoi replied: “Jacinda of course – the world’s most perfect being and greatest thinker of our time – she knows it when she sees it”.
Speaking from Jacinda Ardern’s Facebook bunker, the Minister of Corrections, Kelvin Davis, outlined the role he will play in the hate speech roll-out.
“As you all know,” he said “I have quietly been emptying the prisons of inmates.
“This has conveniently created space for the expected large influx of white hate-speech offenders. This will lower the proportion of Maori prisoners, bringing it into line with the UN directive to create equity in prison numbers.”
During the broadcast, Minister of Police, Poto Williams explained that the police would now make hate speech the main focus of of their duties.
Special units are to be formed in conjunction with the SIS intelligence gathering service which will hunt down and bring before the courts the outspoken extremists.
TVNZ ‘s Police Ten 7 programme has been instructed to make hate-speech arrests the main focus of its programmes. This will deliver equity, Minister Poto Williams said.
Jacinda Ardern, Minister for Children also announced the setting up of special school camps for children to help them recognise hate speech.
Once equipped with this knowledge, children will be expected to alert the authorities if their parents, grannies or uncles step over the line.
Each dob-in will be rewarded with a Jacinda hug and free teddybear from Neve’s massive stash of soft toys – delivered personally in Clarke’s ute.
To once again paraphrase the great pop philosopher of our time, Criss Jamie: in order to achieve extreme transformational change, you initially have to appear like a fool – during which the wheel of change is spinning so fast, it appears to be sitting still.
Note: Maori translations
• mana (status, either inherited or acquired)
• tapu (sacred prohibition)
• rahui (a form of tapu restricting access to certain food sources)
• utu (repayment for another’s actions, whether hostile or friendly)
• muru (a form of utu, usually a ritual seizure of personal property as compensation for an offense.) All present day burglaries can be explained by this. If you are burglarised it’s your fault – you have offended someone.
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