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Jobs for (Anyone but) the Boys
Ah, to be a straight white male before the turn of the millennium. From when such men awoke in the morning to a plate of freshly cooked bacon and eggs served by a house boy drawn from one of the darker races, to when they went to sleep at night next to a subservient and objectified woman forced to wear something from the Victoria’s Secret catalogue, these men’s lives were a paragon of luxury, ease and power.
Well, at least that’s the perception of today’s ‘Far Woke’.
However, some of us had fathers who were straight, white and male back then and can vouch that the above was very much not the case. Back in the ’70s and ’80s, most men were just as oppressed as everyone else: women, gays, and blacks in South Africa. There seemed to be a lot of oppression to go around. Other than after-work drinks on a Friday, I can’t think of a single moment my father wasn’t at the mercy of his wife, his three kids, his boss or the government. I once found him in the basement staring into a glass of beer and muttering darkly, ‘they gave me a choice and I said, “I do”?’
And now? Now we SWMs have to make up for the supposed easy lives of SWMs of the past. The list of what we cannot be is long and growing…
LEADER OF THE GREEN PARTY
Since May 2022, the NZ Green party has dispensed with its previous requirement that one of its leaders be male. Not so with the concomitant requirement that the other be female. The most likely outcome is that the other co-leader will be someone either gay or supergay, or any ethnic group but the boringly Caucasian, or trans/non-binary/intersex or some even more recent development in sexual ‘look at me’ identity.
Although it is flagrant discrimination, SWMs shouldn’t really be aggrieved. Consider it a blessing – imagine trying to lead this collection of enviro-nutters, animal rights fetishists, brown supremacists, anti-Semites and commies to anywhere but the nearest psychiatrist’s office.
AN AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER
At least in America. Obama, wanting air traffic controllers to look more like him than the traditional pale Bill Gates-like dweeb, commanded the Federal Aviation Administration to change their hiring practices. They abandoned their cognitive assessment test for a new biographical quiz with such relevant penetrating questions as ‘What are your hobbies?’ (What would be a wrong answer here? ‘Stunt kite flying’?)
Quite unrelatedly (I’m sure) there has been an 83% rise in runway incursions (planes almost hitting things like cars that shouldn’t be on a runway) in the US between 2011 and 2017.
White guys can’t jump but they can certainly land…planes.
PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING AT DISNEY
Files leaked from Disney and released by Elon Musk on X, show how far woke the house of Mickey has become. Inter-company rules stipulate that 50% of creatives, actors and even characters must come from ‘underrepresented groups’. This explains why the seven dwarves in the upcoming remake of Snow White have had a makeover. No longer a bunch of old white guys with beards, they now look like this…
…the UN Committee on Human Rights.
DR WHO, JAMES BOND OR ANY HEROIC POP CULTURAL FIGURE
The long string of eccentric English gents who played Dr Who has recently been replaced by a woman (the immensely unpopular Jodie Whittaker) and now a man with the quintessentially English name of Ncuti Gatwa. James Bond’s reign as SWM lord emperor looks to be over with talk of various actors of exotic ethnicity not to mention sexuality and gender being suggested to succeed Daniel Craig. In fact, the only role your bog standard SWM is up for is the villain. The classic Dr Who baddy, leader of the Daleks, Davros has always been depicted as disabled, moving about in a contraption not unlike a space age wheelchair. This of course would not do in the age of hyper-sensitivity about the ‘differently-abled’. So in the latest series, he is depicted as belonging to the only group allowed to be identified with evil machinations without complaint – yep, he’s played by a SWM.
SOLDIERS
An internal document of the British Armed Forces leaked in mid-2019 revealed that this formerly feared fighting force was now trembling at the thought that some of its members were ‘right-wing’.
Entitled ‘Extreme Right Wing Indicators and Warnings’ it included among the warning signs of dangerous right-wing derangement: ‘being angry about threats to so-called national identity’ and ‘describing themselves as “Patriots”’. No wonder the number of soldiers in the British army has declined 29% since the year 2000. Bullshit like this has put off the majority of white British men from volunteering to put their lives on the line for a country that doesn’t appear to value them.
An army without patriots. Good luck with that.
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