John Black
stuffednz.net
Information
Satire
“I spent all night staring at my computer, refreshing the page and still couldn’t get a bloody place. Well, screw New Zealand, they’ll be no Christmas for you!” So said the famously merry Father Christmas exasperated at the NZ MIQ system.
“It was easier to get into North Korea. All they wanted was a selfie with Kim Jong-Un. Ridiculous. It’s not like I’m in love with the place. You try lugging a 100kg sack filled with Lego and PS4s around in the middle of summer, dressed for the artic. And there are not enough bloody chimneys either. I’m forever climbing in toilet windows. And don’t get me started on the dog situation. What’s with all the freakin’ Rottweilers?”
An official government statement responding to the situation was issued late this afternoon:
“MIQ provisions are for the safety of all New Zealanders. No exceptions will be made for celebrities, sports stars or magical fairytale figures. Therefore Christmas is cancelled. Be kind.”
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