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Satire
Sheriff Ardern left her horse ‘Marx’ outside and stumbled into the Saloon on Karangahape Rd gasping to the bar person “I’ll have a shot of RED-EYE (whisky). We’ve lost “The Lord of the Rings”.
“I’ve been bagged by Bilbo Baggins. The Amazon gang have fled with our loot back to the ‘Old Country’. It’s become a bit of a habit these gangs getting away with our loot. The last one was the Mongrel Gang”.
“The ‘Rings’ is not the only thing we have lost. ‘Farfetched’ seems to have lost some VISA applications from July which our friends in Afghanistan applied for. We know Kiwis are a flightless bird but we now appear on the world stage as an ‘unkind’ one. We are sending in a Hercules but it won’t land in Kabul. This is too little and too late”.
“The Canadians managed to get their Afghan friends out last month. Though the Taliban are ex Shepherds and goat herders they seem to have a database of all those who worked for the previous government and are going door to door ferreting them out. No wonder four people were prepared to fall to their deaths while clinging onto the fuselage of a U.S. military aircraft as it was airlifting the lucky ones out of Afghanistan”.
“It seems to be a battle of the Bridges at the A.M. Ranch with Symon and Ryan. One of them has cut his hair and the other is growing his. Ryan called Symon a ‘dinosaur’ because he didn’t want to see parents in the ‘Crowbar Hotel’ (jail) for refusing to co-operate on sex change for their children. One father in Canada is already in jail for this crime and for speaking out against it. My ‘Hate Speech Laws’ will also provide a jail term or hefty fine which should shut down any opposition to my views”.
“I’ve been accus’d of being an ‘Imposter’ by someone called Heather in the “Dodge Daily”. This is probably not that far from the truth. I am following Agenda 21 of the U.N. Gang. This Agenda demands control of water, energy, education and other crucial areas. This is not necessarily what ‘Middle New Zealand’ wants which may explain my loss in the polls. ‘Middle Earth’ has moved on. Perhaps ‘Middle New Zealand’ will as well”.
‘I knew ‘Billy the Kid’ was bad news the minute I saw him. Now he has been acting up with some of his posse ag’in opposin’ me. You would think he and his gang would want to be ‘Masked Men’. But you can’t please ‘em all”.
“As y’all know I am the ‘Covid Princess’ and the “Pingdemic’ is back on again. This seems to be the magic wand I wave to get my polls to go up again. It never fails”.
“But back to the “Great Pretender’ of the Platters. This could have been written for me”.
OO OH Yes I’m the great pretender, pretending that I’m doing well,
My need is such, I pretend too much,
OH yes I’m the great pretender adrift in a world of my own,
I’ve played the game but to my real shame,
You’ve left me to grieve all alone.Yes I’m the Great Pretender, just laughing and gay like a clown,
I seem to be what I’m not you see,
I’m wearing my heart like a crown,
Pretending that you’re still around,
(DEMOCRACY)
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