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Sheriff Collins & the Spitting Image Gang

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Satire

Spitting Image Puppets have got Ms. Ardern as Mary Poppins descending with her Umbrella over the Sky Tower of Auckland.
“SUPER – KIWI – SOCIALISTIC – EXTRA – NICE – JACINDA” they sing.

"When I became NZ’s boss I knew just what to do, Initiate a NANNY state and turn our grey skies blue.”

WAIT! Turn our grey skies BLUE. That is our COLOUR.
Perhaps SPITTING IMAGE knows more than they are letting on!

I did a ‘HAIL MARY PASS’ and declared I was a CHRISTIAN.
This was followed up appropriately enough with a visit to St. Thomas’s Church in Kohimarama with my husband David to cast my vote.
If the photographers want to follow me into a church and capture a picture of me praying, that is up to them. The priest asked me if I would like to pray and I took up his offer.

I’LL TELL YOU WHAT THOUGH  I need GOD on my side to have a chance in HADES of winning this election. Daniel 2 v 21  says God sets Kings up on their thrones and REMOVES  them. This is the CHRISTIAN God I am referring to.

If it is good enough for BIG DON (Trump) to win the 2016 election with the support of evangelicals it’s good enough for me. In four states he only won by 1.2% which was enough to win the Electoral College over Hilary Clinton.

Political commentators Thomas, Jones, and Edwards think I am using my public Christianity to target New Conservative voters. Their leader LEIGHTON BAKER said the fact that I am deliberately focusing on my Christianity raises SUSPICIONS.

I have my own ‘Personal Jesus’ and Depeche Mode have rocked it out.
Reach out and Touch Faith.

Your own Personal Jesus,
Someone to hear your prayers,
Someone who cares,
Your own Personal Jesus,
Someone to hear your prayers,
Someone who is there.Feeling alone,
And you’re all unknown,
Flesh and Bone by the telephone,
Left up the receiver I’ll make you a believer.

The pundits at the ‘FERALD’ all had the RED QUEEN winning the PRESS debate in Christchurch.
There again the format was different from the two previous Leaders’ debates. This was a  larger audience stacked with the RED QUEEN’S Press supporters.
IN the previous two debates the ‘dog had got her homework’. She didn’t appear to have done any then but must have realised it matters.

FRAN 0’SULLIVAN reported the only acknowledgement that mattered:
The RED QUEEN’S admission that she could have gone earlier on COVID-19.
This is was what SIMON BRIDGES was encouraging her to do. NERO played while ROME burned. But still, we get ad nauseam ‘hard and early.’ It’s in their campaign advertising.

The little sheep puppet in SPITTING IMAGE asked Mary Poppins aka Ms.Arden if she was ‘BOASTING’.  Taiwan which is closer to China and nearly five times our population did not have LOCKDOWN and they had only 7 deaths. But we don’t hear from them, only the COVER-UP story about us supposedly being world-beaters from our COVID QUEEN and the Ministry of BLUFF.

The SPITTING IMAGE puppets have played down our supposedly world beating performance by pointing out we are two small islands with low population and plenty of natural resources to make ourselves self sufficient unlike The Brits and the Yanks who we seem to compare ourselves to. Why don’t we compare ourselves to countries closer  to us like TAIWAN and SAMOA?
TALOFA!

YOU KNOW WHAT I think, her ‘MEGLOMANIA’ has taken over. The two issues which ‘light her fire’ are the worldwide ones where her sycophantic snowflakes can bow down to her. They are of course the TWO ‘Cs’ COVID and CLIMATE CHANGE.
In the PRESS debate, she said we didn’t want to be left behind and lose our BRAND.
It’s all about the BRAND, HER BRAND, the worldwide one.

I wonder does the RED QUEEN think we are still at war with Germany? The ENEMY yachties had their boat confiscated and were told to push off. None of them had COVID, unlike the planeloads we are letting in. The superyacht gin-palaces can tie up in Auckland but with the Germans it was VERBOTEN.

MELLOW YELLOW:

MS MELLOW our candidate in Auckland Central has gone up 5% against Labour’s Helen White according to the Q+A poll. If this percentage was repeated in the elections it would put us on 37%.
Plus Act’s 8% Which means 45% for us for the two parties only 2% less than Labour. If the Greens don’t get the 5% threshold the whole goose is cooked. Plus will one of the smaller parties get a seat? If the Greens don’t get in Labour cannot rule alone.

The SHAMAN (Wilson) thinks Labour’s Helen White should retire from the Auckland Central election and let GREENS Chloe Swarbrick win in case the Greens don’t make the 5% threshold.

THE HOSK: (Hosking) senses FEAR in the RED QUEEN in her admonition to VOTE early.
Her vote is continuing to drift and the GREENS are not a dead cert either. He thinks National and Act can match Labour by next Saturday.

LOUISE WALLACE on the A.M. show said ‘It’s not all over till the fat lady sings!’ Is she calling me FAT?

The TWERK:

The TWERK (Seymour) thinks we should build like the BOOMERS. Building consents peaked in the 1970’s. Since then 2m have been added to the population and consents haven’t kept up. We have our own new housing policy which includes Rent to Buy.
Our review of the incompetent Auckland Council should help with this, plus transport and our current lack of water. Someone leaked our MP DENISE LEE’s email about this which of course brought on another round of ‘dents in our team’ from our friendly media.

MINOR PARTIES DEBATE:

The TWERK won the line of the night at the Minor Parties Debate when asked would he work with Labour after the election. He said a definite NO because they had a skills shortage. He exchanged repartee about Silver Bullets with the Silver Fox. (Peters)
The CHAMELEON’s voting has gone up 1% from the last Colmar Brunton poll.

JLR (ADVANCE) was asked about organising rallies during Level 2, particularly in Auckland.
He replied Labour needed standing up to. You have got to agree with him. NO political meetings in Auckland where most of the punters are, right up until early voting starts. The RED QUEEN has played a blinder on this one.

NEW CONSERVATIVES  were shut out of the debate despite Court action.

GREEN EYED GANG:

They are going from bad to worse, aren’t they? PREBBLE (Ferald) thinks we should heed Winston Peter’s warning about the “woke pixie dust”.
GREEN JIMMY (Shaw) thinks money should be diverted from other projects for his high-speed rail plan around the country. Prebble who is a bit of an expert on this says it would cost more than the Health budget.
He also says that though SHAW is not a Marxist the rank and file are.

CANNABIS:

A man with a BLACK BEARD from South Auckland squared up to Helen Clark in the debate and said the ELITES had introduced Liquor stores, pokies and now wanted cannabis shops in his community. She replied it would be controlled. She looked out of her depth. Does she know his community as he does?

BIG DON:

You can’t keep him down for long. Not with a little virus. He said God had blessed him with the virus and he had never felt better. I hope all his staff members feel the same way. His enemies have come up with a new accusation against him – kidnapping of a Democrat. Let’s see how this one goes.

YI – HA,

Here’s looking at you kid, (Ardern)
Down the hatch,

PUNCH and DOUBLE JUDY.
May the best PUNCH win!

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