One of the most noticeable things about so-called ‘anti-racists’ is just how virulently racist they so often are. Take, for instance, New Zealand Māori activists prattling about their ‘superior’ genes like an old-school Obergruppenführer. Or the Australian university ‘anti-racism’ conference that seemed to spend most of its time vilifying Jews. Or US colleges going hard for good old-fashioned segregation.
In the midst of all the vicious racism of the ‘anti-racists’, though, there are occasional moments of unintentional comedy gold. These are, after all, people so cretinous that they don’t even seem to realise when they’re making a woke spectacle of themselves.
Such was the ‘anti-racist’ March on “Ape Bridge”. There wasn’t a lot to laugh about during the BLM reign of terror, apart from the odd activist getting beaned by the very statue they were pulling down, but the March on Ape Bridge was one of them. A simpering gaggle of left-wing white activists leading a crowd of shuffling black thugs across a site made famous in a movie about an ape uprising? That’s comedy gold.
“Ape Bridge” is a pedestrian walkway connecting the Century City mall, in the mega-wealthy Los Angeles neighbourhood of the same name, to a cluster of movie studio corporate HQs.
Not the “lots” – lingo lesson: The “lot” or “backlot” is where things are actually filmed, the only places on earth where Natalie Portman rubs elbows with ass-scratching teamsters. But no, Century City is where the corporate offices are, where nothing is filmed but everything is decided. Where Sheldon Schmuckelstein looks at market research and decides which Marvel character to blow $300 million on next.
When the mall was built in the 1960s, it was the very latest word in “futuristic” (which, as Douglas Adams once wrote, meant lots of brushed concrete). Always keen to save a buck, producers at 20th Century Fox used it as the location for the futuristic city of 1972’s Conquest of the Planet of the Apes. That’s the “origin story” entry in the franchise that tells how humans adopted ape pets after a plague wiped out cats and dogs.
When the apes rise up against their human masters and conquer (hence, the Conquest… title) the world, the pedestrian bridge was chosen as the site of the climactic battle. Hence, the bridge, which has been untouched by decades of redevelopment of the rest of the mall, is known locally as “Ape Bridge”.
Which makes it doubly hilarious that the ‘progressive’ white elites of Century City chose it as the site for their little contribution to the emancipation of American Blacks.
In 2020, after BLM sacked the Beverly Hills shopping district and forever killed any Democrat hopes here (a day known locally as “when the city went redder than a baboon’s ass”), the talent agencies in Century City, mere blocks from the area BLM destroyed, decided that the best way to deal with the rampaging thugs was to engage them, pander to them, make ’em think “we’re on your side.”
And yes, that’s how you’d calm a toddler. But toddlers are innocent humans with undeveloped minds. BLMs are violent monsters with diseased minds. Totally different dynamic.
Notably, the Hollywood bigwigs made sure to have the National Guard on hand first. Much like they’d have an anxious wrangler standing just off-camera in the lion-wrestling scenes of an old Tarzan movie. After all, “D’Quandriuss wasn’t gonna confront no tank”.
So on June 6, 2020, the talent agencies held their rally, and the worst dregs of South Central showed up. And while I don’t recall the exact content of the speeches, I think it went something like this:
Sheldon: “Oygen schleboygin oy RAYCISM oy DIVERSITY oygenglaybin.”
BLM: “UNGABUNGA! UNGABUNGA!”
But the real comedy came after the speeches, when the studio execs led the BLM crowd on a ‘peace march’ over Ape Bridge. What better way to evoke the spirit of Edmund Pettus Bridge and the Selma civil rights march, than by leading a crowd of black folks across a bridge made famous by scenes of white soldiers teaching troupes of apes how to use soap and mops.
It was the fucking funniest thing I’d ever seen in my life, because the BLMs had no idea that they were being funneled onto the bridge where actual literal apes had “battled for their rights” against their human superiors in a 1972 film […]
The best jokes are the ones that are on everybody. And an ostensibly anti-racist rally doing the most racist thing imaginable is one hell of a great joke.
Then came the great knee-taking. The rally organisers were not just advocating DEI quotas, but pledging to defund the police.
Jay Sures is vice-chair of United Talent Agency, one of the agencies that invited BLM into Century City that day in 2020 […]
Sures, a proud Jew, is a staunch defender of Israel, and, as a member of the University of California Board of Regents, he’s spoken out against pro-Hamas groups on campus.
What happened next is about as predictable as any idiot ‘influencer’ taking to the streets of a major Muslim city in scanty clothing to prove how wonderful and peaceful Islam really is.
Last month a mob of “multicultural” pro-Palestinian protesters trashed his multimillion-dollar Brentwood home, busting windows, smearing the place with feces, and writing death threats on the wall in blood (because the best way for Palestinians to show that they’re not a death cult is to mimic the Manson family).
Sures’ wife was chased from the home and trapped in her car as the protesters pounded on the windows demanding her death (and for the first time ever a Jewish woman discovered a fate worse than fellatio).
Lest you think we’re being to mean to him, in 2020 Sures openly tweeted for the total abolition of the police.
Didn’t think that would come back to bite you in the ass, huh? […]
I’d love to end this column by saying something like, “And so the lessons of 2020 were learned by all, and nobody ever made those idiotic errors again and everyone lived happily ever after.”
But that would be the kind of happy ending that only ever happens in the movies. Real life is far more stupid.
