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The French putting on their war face. The BFD. Photoshop by Lushington Brady.

Being threatened with war by France seems somewhat akin to being bailed up at the point of a limp baguette, and protests are something of a national pastime. So, on the one hand, France’s fit of pique in the Channel seems almost comical.

On the other hand, it’s a stark reminder of just what an unconscionable bully the EU really is – and why Britons were wise to vote to Leave.

At issue are fishing rights in the English Channel, centred around the British Channel Islands, especially Jersey, just a few miles off the coast of Normandy. Britain has imposed new rules governing access for fishing boats near the Channel Islands.

Notwithstanding the EU’s bloody-mindedness during Brexit negotiations, the French are outraged at being given a serve of the EU’s own medicine.

The dispute is so toxic that a French minister threatened to cut underwater cables which deliver the island’s electricity supply.

French fishing boats converged on Jersey, threatening a blockade but then retreated from the island, warning “next time there will be war”.

The furious French fishermen set off flares as dozens of boats began arriving just after 6am as the huge row over post-Brexit fishing rights intensified.

Two Royal Navy gunships – HMS Severn and HMS Tamar – dramatically stepped in after being deployed by UK PM Boris Johnson following the threat of a French blockade.

They were armed with a 20mm cannon, which can fire 700 rounds a minute at a range of 1.1km.

Just after 1pm the fishing boats started to retreat from the island which lies 22km off the French coast.

Quelle surprise.

Still, even as they retreated, the fishermen remained full of Gallic pisse et vinaigre – from a safe distance.

A crewman called Popeye told the UK’s Telegraph: “We will go back, and next time it will be war”[…]

Tensions then escalated after one of Macron’s key allies threatened to pull the plug on the tiny island’s electricity and French fishermen vowed to blockade ports to cut off food and medicine.

French Maritime Minister Annick Girardin threatened to cut off the island’s power of which 95 per cent is generated on the continent and supplied by three underwater cables.

Then there was this bit of unintentional hilarity.

Jean-Claude La Vaullée, skipper of Le Cach, said: “I’ve refuelled the boat – we’re ready to restage the Battle of Trafalgar.”

‘Allo, ‘allo? Does anyone remember how that one ended?

The British also reminded France of how a previous “United States of Europe” had behaved in Jersey.

Meanwhile, government sources have accused the French of sinking lower than the island’s Nazi occupiers in the Second World War.

A source told the Telegraph: “At least when the Germans invaded they kept the lights on”[…]

Meanwhile Jersey’s 100,000 residents were relieved to see their British warships arrive in port, as the island is wholly dependent on imports for its food, medicine and electricity.

Supermarket bosses on the island today warned their shelves will be empty by Saturday unless the Royal Navy can stop French trawlers blockading the port.

Stocks of bread, fruit, fresh meat and vegetables will be gone if freight ships cannot deliver their crucial daily supplies, CEO of Jersey Co-op Mark Cox said.

Mr Cox said the island is relying on the navy ships to make sure the French boats back off.

Britain, meanwhile, is showing no signs of being intimidated by strutting Gallic roosters.

Following crisis talks with the island’s leadership, Downing Street said: “The Prime Minister underlined his unwavering support for Jersey.

“He said that any blockade would be completely unjustified. As a precautionary measure the UK will be sending two Offshore Patrol Vessels to monitor the situation.

“They agreed the UK and Jersey Governments would continue to work closely on this issue.”

News.com.au

France might want to recall what happened the last time a bullying foreign power tried to nick some British islands much further from home. Boris Johnson is no Margaret Thatcher, to be sure. But he might decide that a bit of argy-bargy with the wogs could deliver the sort of electoral deliverance he so badly needs.

Meanwhile, I’m sure the British tabloids’ headline-writers are preparing to do their bit.

Beware the wrath of the British tabloids. The BFD. Photoshop by Lushington Brady.

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