Pragmatic people they were, New Zealanders in the 1950’s. Concerned less with the consequences of bulldozing a sizeable hill into the adjacent bay to create a longer runway for the capital city’s airport than the consequences of not doing it, the Ministry of Works just went ahead carried out their plan.
Concerned only for practicalities, and with no taniwha to be seen anywhere, they had free range to modify the landscape of the city for its own, and the country’s, benefit. It’s only minutes to the Polly-warming seats of power. There was a problem, of sorts: the wind, which, I confess, can be seriously uncomfortable in these parts.
The wild, and hugely gusty, Nor-wester of late September to mid-February can be disconcerting at times, especially on main thoroughfare Cobham Drive just north of the airport. Running perpendicular to the primary direction of the wild-one there’s a cross-wind as severe as anything in the country south of the Foxton straights. ‘Bugger it’ said the 1950’s builders, build a bank, a rampart, call it what you will, to deflect the bastard over the heads of walkers and cyclists using the route, and she’ll be right. So they did. And it worked. There is beauty in simplicity.
So intuitive, so pragmatic, such no-nonsense problem-solving. Those were the days.
Enter the 21st century and the truly woke, more concerned with pseudo-wonk than practicalities. We’re gonna’ build a single-purpose cycle-way and separate pathway, costing gazillions, to replace the original wide-‘n-handsome 1950’s designed dual-purpose cycle-way and pathway which was perfectly practical, safe and usable, and which had caused no harm, whatsoever, to its peak 59 people-per-hour users for the last half-century and more. In fact, if anything called out for attention it was the lack of pedestrian crossings along the half-kilometre stretch, a fact that was borne out in the body of an unfortunate victim attempting the crossing against pre-COVID airport traffic just last year. May she forever rest in peace.
So they called for submissions on the grand cycle-plan, and submissions they got:
“Please provide dirt banks to protect cyclists from wind at north end of airport”, they said.
“Wind protection for the wind”, said another.
“The current vegetation and landscaping provides protection from the prevailing Northerly, which is very strong at times. I wouldn’t like to see all wind protection removed. Are you planning to flatten the ground and remove the flax etc? I hope not”, said one more.
“Build wind breaks (plants?) along the cycle way to reduce risk of northerly gusts blowing cyclists into path of traffic”, they continued.
“If it’s possible to build in wind breaks for cyclists this would be beneficial as well.” Et al.
“Other risk is northerly wind gusts you might get blown into traffic”, said one safety-concerned.
“Some form of wind break in parts would be good (planting?)”, said an optimist.
“Other risk is northerly wind gusts and that you might get blown into traffic. Some form of wind break in parts would be good (planting?).” And on, and on, and on, and on the submissions grew and went.
Duly, and ever mindful to ‘feedback’, NZTA and the local Councils simply ignored them all; yes, really. Get thee to a taxidermist said they, we know better, for very clever we are, much cleverer than thee.
Giving no tosses and determined to open up something of the delightful ‘sea-views’ to passing motorists, a view previously denied by the wind-stop bank, the planners have discontinued, removed, destroyed the wind protection on this stretch. Amazing. With the seductive scent of millions of dollars in cycle-way grants beneath their very noses, planners took all leave of their senses. Because they haven’t got a clue, and they don’t care about practicalities. Not one jot.
What a magnificent trade-off; you now get to ‘enjoy’ the wonderful sea-view as it blasts (regularly) over 50 knots (90 kph) into your face – if you can open your eyes, that is – and presuming you’re able to stand up, which (believe me) is no certainty. It may be safer to sit on the ground and curl into a ball if you really want to enjoy it.
Don’t believe me, as you shouldn’t; what about the evidence of your own lyin’ eyes. Here’s a photo taken by yours truly on Sunday, September 27, 2020, as a scootering exponent (yes, they’re there behind the wind-blown wash) gripping the handlebars in excitement as they cross the newly naked, no-wind-buffer zone, about to enjoy all the wonderful benefits of a total body-and-machine saltwater wash-down courtesy of NZTA and Wellington Council’s glorious ‘planners’.
And, no; this is not a single ‘rogue’ section of the masterpiece cycle-way, the newly placed gently-sloping (previously blunt) escarpment provides the perfect attitude to ensure the howling slipstream can carry water-borne spray for (easily) thirty metres at fire-hose pressure:
Bunch of bloody geniuses, I say. Oh, and by the way, there’s no pedestrian crossing yet either. Who cares about them?
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