The Mysterious Case of the COVID Psychic

It’s well known and understood the vast bulk of clairvoyants are women, men don’t know why this is and since we don’t know, women aren’t going to tell us. There are clairvoyants good for telling the future, and some good for telling the past, but none good for revealing an accurate location for the missing sock, although they are, to a one, able to announce with reasonably assured and collective certainty that ‘you’ve put it somewhere’.

We have fortune clairvoyants and crime clairvoyants, travel clairvoyants and now a brand new category: Covid clairvoyants. Thus it was Ms Westpac denied herself the opportunity of work on Friday 16 October, calling in her self-isolation and staying home, as a household member had been a close contact of the ‘marine-worker’ who wouldn’t test positive until the following day, nice Mr Bloomfield assuring us Mr Marine-worker’s positive result was received at 4.38pm on Saturday the 17th and not announced publicly until the following Sunday.

There are cynics that suggest clairvoyants are but charlatans — shame on you. There are no other possible means, barring the supernatural, by which Ms Westpac may have received her troubling transmission — unless Mr Marine-worker was diagnosed with Covid earlier than claimed and health officials began informing close contacts prior to the timeline proposed by nice Mr Bloomfield. This would in itself be problematic: placing (another) community case of unknown origin in the public sphere 24-48 hours prior to the ‘Covid Election’. An election in which some candidates campaigned entirely on the basis of squashing, eliminating, the tricky-flu and thereby saving the team of five million — and that would have been very, very embarrassing, as well as potentially very costly, vote-wise.

So stop being silly! There are no shenanigans here. Ms Westpac is clearly, and genuinely, psychic.

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