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Totally Believable Reasons He Shouldn’t Be President

I would like to offer my services as a writer of anti-Trump hit pieces. I feel I could do a much better job.

Photo by Josh Calabrese / Unsplash

They’ve broken the glass and pressed the panic button. With Trump slightly up in polling and having all the momentum heading into the final week of campaigning, we are witnessing a full on lefty-elite freak out. ‘Oh no: it’s gonna happen again!’ they cry to their Colombian maids or their bi-racial trust-fund baby tennis partners.

Desperate tactics are needed. All the powers of the media blob are being marshalled; wild conjecture presented as fact, baseless innuendo given the status of gospel and downright propaganda polished into headlines. In the past week Trump has been accused of fascism, racism (for calling Kamala ‘lazy’), sexual harassment, senility, having weird theories about whales and loving both Big Macs and Hitler.

Always on the look-out for money-making opportunities (these are tough times for professional hand models), I would like to offer my services as a writer of anti-Trump hit pieces. I feel I could do a much better job.

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