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Satire

(Trigger warning: this is satire)

So much has happened in the last few weeks.

First there is the renewed game of Sindy Says. #EveryoneLovesPlaygroundGames #There’sOnlyOneSindy #ThereIsNoOptingOut #TeamOfFiveMillion

At 9am Queen-Sindy said the parade must go on. #QueenSongsAreTheBest #Don’tStopMeNow #OpticsAreQueen

At 8 pm Kind-Sindy said, now that I am safely back in Welly, JAFAs stay at home. #I’mNotBiased #KeepMPsFromParliament #ItDoesn’tAffectMeSoIDon’tCare

Next Reasonable-Sindy said be more afraid or else how will we convince you to willingly take your vaccine? #ItWillOnlyStingForAMinute #EvenPlacebosWork35%OfTheTime #InocculateAgainstLogic

The Propaganda Parade was interrupted by the last remaining journalist of integrity, Hypo Thetical, who pointed out that if the Ministry of Health knew at 9am surely she would have been told then. But Truthful-Sindy Says that she sang “lalalalalalalala” all the way to Wellington, so obviously, she couldn’t have known. #ICan’tHearYou #Don’tTellMeBadNewsWhenI’mInAuckland #LockdownForThemButNotForMe

And remember when Equality-Sindy said, rich movie stars and yachting fans can come in but not the families of essential workers? Or, when electioneering, social distancing for thee but not for me? Or just four weeks to flatten the curve? #CrueltyAndPunishment #DownIsTheNewUp #LockdownIsFreedom #PoliticsIsScience #NineteenEightyFourIsJustABook

Re-act leader Seymour Butts pointed out that the Government’s response left Auckland as sitting ducks playing lockdown roulette while the Government ran about like headless chickens #PotLuckDucks #GrannyDidn’tDieOfCovid

Taika Has-A-Small-Pipi chimed in by announcing he has plans for a new Kung Flu movie titled Sitting Duck, Headless Chicken focussing on the Government’s pandemic response. #NewZealandLeadsTheWorldInCovidResponse #IDidMyOwnStunts

Meanwhile, Minister of Finance Sponge Bob got his Square Pants in a twist when asked about the Great Reset by journalist Milky McMilkToast. It is all a conspiracy, he howled, just like those who insist exercise is good for your health. #JustAskMyPalChuckSchmuck #GetMeAnotherLamington #ResetMyWaistline #CallTheFireBrigadeTheSquarePantsAreOnFire

Wally Jackass also came to Sponge Bob’s defence saying it was true that Milky McMilkToast was a conspiracy theorist because he believed in other conspiracies such as integrity, truth, and free speech.  #TruthIsAFourLetterWord #NameCallingIsTheBestDefence

What a couple of weeks. Welcome to the real Gulag Archipelago, and don’t let the Covid Shirts get you.

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