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Oh, Dilemma: so sharp are your horns that we cannot grasp them; whatever shall we do?
The Socialist Wellington City Council (WCCCP) has a problem thanks to being bit by the Marxist-mosquito, a nasty little bugger that buzzes about in shades of greens and reds, and which, instead of sucking blood, sucks your brains out. Combined with policy invented by frond-waving, waiata-wailing, Bureau-beetles from MSD, a remarkably destructive kutoo that can transform most things solid into dust or custard, sometimes simultaneously and often very rapidly.
You see: MSD thought it a bonzer idea to transform several financially-embarrassed COVID-ravaged downtown backpacker hostelries into ’emergency housing’ for, well…the dregs of society, actually, pond-scum, the stuff of landlords’ nightmares, what could possibly go wrong?
The idyllic relationship worked as intended. Scum is a magnet to other scum, so, attracted to each other and potential-scum from further afield, they colonised and transformed a nearby city green space into pure filth.
It became an open-air cess-pit of shouting, spitting, violent, abusive, harassing, haranguing, assaulting, intimidating, drug-dealing, meth-smoking, glue-sniffing, thieving and fighting, but otherwise, it was a generally pleasant little park.
Admittedly it was no longer the jewel-in-the-crown WCCCP had intended when they spent huge money transforming the space into an urban art-work, with its turd-in-the-bowl aesthetic.
This lively grotto and exhibition of posse-paru runs twenty-four hours, seven days a week, driving nearby public and small-businesses to their wits end. A place to be avoided.
Enter the WCCCP brains-trust, all geniuses, led by arch-Neo-Marxist councillor Paul who must decide the direction for resolving this disgusting day-on-day display.
Should they insist that the proto-colonialist oppressors of the NZ Police wield more influence in the area to curtail such criminal shenanigans? Or should they, as our brains-trust have suggested, make the space less utilitarian and deeply inconvenience the un-blameworthy nearby shop-keepers and the general public with their “solution”.
Their “solution” is the removal of the extant (but already severely limited) car-parking, the removal of the adjacent bus-stop, the removal of the public rest-rooms building, the removal of the public phone-box and the removal of the resplendent broad-branched pohutukawa that provides the park’s single source of shade during Wellington’s three-day Summer followed by hoping and pretending that it will make the problem go away.
Woe: Dilemma, so sharp are your thorns. Not as sharp as our razor-wits of city hall, I accept, but still pretty sharp; whatever shall we do?
For what it’s worth, WCCCP: rest-rooms and parenting facilities, bus-stops, car parks, phone booths and trees don’t assault and offend people, take drugs, rob, steal and beat strangers. Scum do that and that is what needs removing. Over to you.
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