Warning
Satire
Prior to the French revolution the leaders of that nation were told, “The peasants have no bread.” The aristocratic Marie Antoinette replied, “Let them eat cake,” or so the story goes.
It would appear that as we head into a time reminiscent of those pre-revolution days, our own aristocracy has been busy baking a dystopian cake for just such an eventuality.
Dystopian cake is an age-old recipe but one that has been lost to the common man, its secret well guarded by the bakers’ guild.
As more and more people become conscious of what they consume, it is clearly my duty to disclose the recipe.
Like all cakes, this one depends primarily on the correct ingredients and careful preparation. First, take a gullible population and brainwash thoroughly. Make sure the palms of the kitchen staff are well greased. Remove objective morality, faith in God, traditional values and common sense. This is a long, slow and tedious process, but more than a trace of any of these may spoil the end result.
Infiltrate education. Young and old must be dumbed down and taught what to think, not how to think. Once known as ‘ideological subversion’ it was a trade secret and tricky at best. Now, however, a plethora of purpose-built electronic devices make this part of the process a breeze.
The ingredients must be made dependent on virtual social interaction, rather than actual social interaction where ideas and opinions cannot be suitably sifted to the necessary ideological consistency.
‘Too many cooks’, they say, ‘spoil the genocidal broth.’ For this reason, potential observers must be kept well away from the kitchen. They can be kept busy elsewhere by mindless entertainment, preoccupation with politics or sport and by dividing the whites from the yolks of the eggheads so important to the mix. Dividing along ideological, political, religious or racial lines works well. Whatever means are employed they must be kept constantly at odds with each other whilst being preached a message of tolerance and diversity.
Questions or concerns along with any dissent can be filtered with censorship and obfuscation to keep the mixture pure and unadulterated by any hint of reality. An atmosphere of fear and desperation must be maintained if the yeast of lies and corruption is to work. Infuse the whole with worthless currency to give an impression of wealth whilst inhibiting the production that is actual wealth. Induce reliance on overbearing authority by slowly introducing increasing state interference and make compliant by constant kneading.
As cooking progresses the whole should be basted with liberal socialism and induced cognitive dissonance, then garnished with bad law and red tape.
Cooking time may vary. When the general population can be convinced that politicians who have consistently lied and cheated can be trusted, that men can be women, that people are subject to the state rather than the state being subject to people; when falsehood and nonsense are framed as truth and truth is labelled misinformation or hate speech; when a majority can be persuaded to submit to an experimental medication for a disease they don’t have; their cake is nearly baked and their goose is nearly cooked.
At this point, the dystopian cake is almost ready for consumption. All that remains to be done is to turn up the heat a while: let chaos and disharmony rise and this time-honoured repast will be ready. Just like for the privileged of old, the time will then be ripe for our own oligarchs to say, “Let them eat cake.”
It should be served on a platter of resignation with an air of apathy and inevitability. There is no need to flambé as everything round about should already be burning.
Inherently unhealthy, and invariably killing many that partake of it, the product is only one part of the baker’s battle. It must be marketed as wholesome. A panacea for widespread indigestion and hunger.
Though calculated to be a curse to consumers and a boon for bakers, if past servings are anything to go by then the chefs too must also share a portion of this most diabolical dish.
The bittersweet dystopian cake, though not to everyone’s taste, is nothing if not versatile. It can be served either as an entrée to a large slice of humble pie or as just deserts for making a complete meal of things.
Now at long last, we can all have our cake and eat it.
