By way of public service, I offer you ‘Desperate times call for desperate measures’: a (very) short essay proposing a more pragmatic response to eliminating SARS-CoV-2 B.1.617.2 variant (designated ‘Delta’ – WHO) (Super-tricky virus) from New Zealand/Aotearoa.v2.
It is clear that our glorious government has inadvertently opened an attachment, it is now too late, the virus is among us. It has flown the coop – so to speak – and now lingers about our doors like death. Modern science will not prevail, alas; as Israel, the UK and USA have all shown, we must embrace the past for more effective measures against this dire disease.
Look at the Maori Science: what does it tell us? During the course of the long period of illness preceding his death, paramount warrior chieftain Hongi Hika was prescribed a human sacrifice to dislodge his debilitating physical demons no less than four times. That he ultimately died anyway cannot be proof that the sacrifices did not work, or at least mitigate the suffering of his symptoms. I propose that the fault lay in sacrificial selection: his medics chose slaves to serve their master’s need, while I suspect those chosen were simply not self-important enough to achieve the medical breakthrough required.
Proof of my hunch, as if it was needed, can be found in the bogs of Blighty’s Isles where have been found the bodies of better-off community offerings to the gods that would destroy them. There we see human sacrifices of hands soft and appearances groomed. Croghan Man’s belly was full of meat and dairy from a time when most subsisted on gruel!
Ladies, gentlemen, in-betweens, what I am about to propose may seem radical (as radical as a round earth to those who believed it flat): we must offer up our most self-important, as did our ancestors before us.
We must sacrifice one of our parliamentary representatives every seven days in order to defeat the Delta, and thereafter one per-annum by way of a booster.
There will be some negative effects initially, even though the mortality rate among parliamentarians would be de minimis at just <0.85% per week. I accept the cumulative total will necessarily grow over the course of treatment, but here’s the beauty of my plan: my crude research, my learnings gleaned from long studying the parliamentarian and their ilk, indicates to me that within three weeks the entire country would be free of Delta-speak and entire swathes of other variants to come. News of the germs would be banned and banished from our screens, airwaves and even old-fashioned newspapers.
No longer would Kiwis cower in home-detention under duress of punishment and eternal 1.00pm propaganda conferences. Instead, when someone wailed, ‘I got the Delta, I gonna die!’ they would be met with responses vivid, various, and vitally profane imploring the source of said screeching to ‘Shut the heck up, it’s just the bloody flu’ and strongly encouraged to go back to bed.
Unlike our avaricious media-moguls demanding payment to spread public-health messages (of itself a very nasty virus), I proffer this solution at no cost to the taxpayer. It is a gift to you all.
I sincerely hope you can find it in your heart to accept it. As my little dissertation has yet to be peer-reviewed, thoughtful criticism is welcomed.
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