Table of Contents
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Satire
Bombshell Documents Editor:
A very concerned highly placed public servant has leaked this contentious and confidential document to The Woke Examiner.
Titled Hurihia te Pupuhi Wairangi, it lays out the propaganda strategy needed to achieve co-governance with the Maori minority in Aotearoa as per He Puapua.
In the forward, it gleefully notes that both National and ACT continue to overestimate the intelligence of the average voter.
Philosophical concepts like democracy versus separatism are way beyond the comprehension skills of the average person – which includes journalists.
It suggests never using them if possible – just denying their existence, as they only confuse.
The propaganda strategy using Labour’s recently purchased media, affectionately known as Jacinda’s Firm, is laid out below.
(1) Become good pals with your employees, the media – and continually reinforce the idea their job is to hold the opposition, National and ACT, to account – not us. Our social media troll farm will stroke their egos when they do good.
(2) Bombard the news with negative Maori statistics – blame white supremacy/systemic racism – if in doubt just make them up – no one will query them, not even the opposition.
The average person has no idea what white/supremacy/systemic racism is other than it sounds bad – so no queries there either.
(3) Drip feed to the media by “leaking” our continual stream of reports advocating extreme change. First state that the entity/system is not working or in trouble – that the government will fix it by nationalisation and co-governance – supply written news stories and feature articles just needing their by-line. Hint they are award winning articles.
(4) “You’re racist” is to be the official reply to any criticism of ‘leaked’ policy.
(5) To lighten the load of all the dreary Maori stats and extreme change stories, Jacinda’s wedding plans will be a light relief and media focus. Girl reporters love it.
(6) The terms Pakeha (white New Zealander), British and European to be memory holed and replaced with Tau Iwi (foreigner).
(7) The government will keep the masses in a state of Covid fear – also rampant tax increases and price rises will force people to live day to day rather than do long term thinking and planning.
Kind words, such as “I saved you all” and “we’re working on it” from Jacinda will continue to pay dividends.
Nationalisation/Co-governance Explainer Editor:
The Minister of Sport Grant Robertson announced today plans to nationalise the All Blacks. “The system is not working”, he said, pointing to the latest Silver Lakes investment brouhaha.
It is based on a report written by Eugenie Sage and stresses the need for honoring the treaty partnership, with particular emphasis on our carbon zero obligations.
“The answer,” Grant Robertson said, “is nationalisation with co-governance between Maori and the government. These days the All Blacks are defined by how well they do the Haka rather than the game itself so Maori have a vested interest.”
“Also the silver fern is part of the flora and fauna owned by Maori so it is a no-brainer to have a partnership and 50-50 co-governance.”
It is thought that there are also plans in the pipeline to nationalise all sports.
TWE Editor’s Note: Hurihia te Pupuhi Wairangi for the increasingly small minority that doesn’t speak fluent Te Reo, translates as “Screw the Bastards”.
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