Information Satire Terrorism Explainer Editor: Reliable sources say the extremist video collection of deceased terrorist Ahamed Aathill Mohamed Samsudeen included a contentious documentary by Patrick Gower. Authorities are deciding whether or not this played a part in the paranoid maniac’s hatred of white people. Reliable sources also say authorities
Information Satire Te Paati Maori Explainer Editor: In a rare show of support Te Paati Maori (the Maori Party) has congratulated ACT and National for forcing the reopening of Parliament and allowing recreational shore fishing under level 4. Co-leaders Rawiri Waititi and Debbie Ngarewa-Packer said they were thrilled to get
Information Satire Exclusive Interview With the Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern WE Cub Reporter: “Thank you Prime Minister for granting me the special privilege of interviewing you. You are doing such a fantastic job – the country is lucky to have you.” Prime Minister: “Yes I know – I am special – be kind
Information Satire CNN International Awards Correspondent: The president of the CCP, Xi Jinping, announced today he was awarding President Biden the July 1 medal for his harmonious actions over Afghanistan and outstanding contributions to Socialism with Chinese characteristics. When told of his award, Biden made a special thank you to
Information Satire Labour Government Explainer Editor The Minister of Shovels, Michael Wood, speaking from Jacinda Ardern’s Facebook bunker in a Zoom briefing to media heads, explained the reason for the lack of progress on major shovel-ready infrastructure projects. “You might not have noticed,” he said, “to speed things up,
Information Satire Labour Government Explainer Editor – Exclusive During the weekly conference call to media news editors, the Minister of Groceries and Bicycle Clips, David Clark, revealed that the two ‘competing’ supermarkets would be rolled into one and nationalised under a new ministry, Kaihoho Aotearoa. “The two supermarkets are a duopoly,
Information Satire Labour Government Explainer Editor The Minister for Kindness, Jacinda Ardern announced today that a new holiday, HART Week, would replace ANZAC day in Aotearoa as our national day of remembrance. “Most of the old soldiers from past wars”, she said, “have passed away and the idea of ANZAC
Information Satire Labour Government Explainer Editor The Minister for Kindness, Jacinda Ardern announced today an announcement on what further actions her Kindness Ministry would do to implement a world-first kindness republic. “Mongrel Mob chapters will be created in the Police and the Public Service,” she said. “We need to leverage
Information Satire Labour Ethno-Fascist Explainer Editor Reliable sources within the ethno-fascist complex running the Labour party have leaked an embargoed section of He Puapua – the setting up of iwi centric transport. Titled Tahuri Ki Te Kaitaki (The path to transport governance), it lays out the separate development equity needed for
Information Satire Ethno-Nationalist-Fascism Explainer Editor Auckland Law School academic Claire Charters, the author of He Puapua, has been contracted by the Scottish Government to prepare a similar report and pathway to self-rule by the indigenous chiefs of Scotland and their clansmen serfs. The report titled Och Aye The Noo! (Yes,
Information Satire Labour Government Explainer Editor The Minister for Justice Kris Faafoi laid out his intentions for the implementation of the coming world-leading hate speech laws. “They are,” he said, “designed to make Aotearoa a more cohesive and compliant twin-nation of Iwi Maori and others. “The new law is the
Information Satire Clarke Gayford Explainer Editor Speaking in a conference call from her Newshub/Facebook bunker, the Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern revealed the delightful birthday present Clarke gave Neve – a V8 ute. “It’s all legit,” she said, “as it is sponsored… by the tax payer”. Another world first for
Information Satire Labour Thinking Explainer Editor Minister of Finance Grant Robertson announced today that all taxation will be abolished. Speaking to the world via a group conference call through Jacinda Ardern’s monopoly media empire he laid out an historic change to government revenue gathering. “This is another world first,
Information Satire Climate Change Minister James Shaw has been caught up in a major controversy. The latest progressive research out of the USA has proved conclusively that conservation is a white supremacist patriarchal construct designed specifically to not only murder indigenous people, but also move them off their land and
Information Satire Labour Government Explainer Editor The Minister for Gang Growth and Development, Willie Jackson, announced today that Maori gangs will be gifted Iwi status. “It is time,” he said, “to move them into the mainstream of Aotearoa and officially recognise the mana, power and authority they hold over large
Information Satire School Lunches Explainer Editor Broadcasting from her Newshub/Facebook bunker, the Minister for School Lunches, Jacinda Ardern, announced new measures to ensure children will eat the ‘wholesome’ lunches supplied by the State. “The ungrateful little minxes are obviously not hungry enough,” she said, “so we will be rushing
