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Conservatives Should Not Trust Their Lying Ears

a dog sitting on top of a black table
Photo by kyle smith. The BFD.

It’s all about the language, apparently. And you, me, all the right-wing nut-jobs, just don’t get it. We’re a bit thick. We need to get out more. There are two clear examples from the last couple of days alone which clearly prove those of conservative ilk should not trust our own lyin’ ears.

Example one was the local posse of part-professional footballing girls insisting their brand-new pre-match war dance was not at all disrespectful to the Government despite the clearly enounced:

“Toitu te Tiriti”, which translates as Honour the Treaty, a phrase used by Maori opposition groups to the government’s policies. RNZ’s bilingual reporters, other media and commentators listening to the haka heard it as another political statement.

No, no, said Mr Cultural Advisor: “individual words inside the haka are merely representative of a far deeper body of Maori knowledge, language and thinking which are not easily deciphered without the assistance of Pukenga Maori (Experts).” Fair enough, and perhaps he has a point, which can be informed by Example Two.

Example Two: “It is important to note this is not a biopic.” This was said in reference to the NZ Film Commission encountering some flak after announcing $800,000 of your money is being spent to make a feature documentary: “Jacindamania” about the head of NZFC’s good friend and former prime minister, Ardern. It came from a NZFC press release addressing concerns over conflict of interest and the possibility of politics at play. Duly the press narrative was released: “It is important to note this is not a biopic,” said RNZ. “It is important to note this is not a biopic,” said Stuff. “It is important to note this is not a biopic,” said granny Herald, so we can presume, with reasonable certainty, that is what was said.

However, being the cautious type I consulted a cultural advisor, a representative of a far deeper body of knowledge, language and thinking which are not easily deciphered without the assistance of such experts. Sayeth me unto him, “What is this meaning: ‘It is important to note this is not a biopic.'” Said he: “What is a biopic?” “Well”, said I, “a film dramatising the life of a particular person, typically a public or historical figure, and also typically an uncritical, fawning, skewed, one-sided, romantic, false projection of that person.” “Aha,” said he, “then seek your answer not in NZFC’s selling their side of the story to the pesky press, seek your answer from the way the producer sold the story to investors.” “You are very wise,” said I.

And, this, dear reader, is exactly how it was sold:

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No, no; it’s not altered, it’s kosher, directly from the producer’s pitch. I kid you not. That’s the imagery; what do the words speak of? [Spoiler alert; if you haven’t yet had your breakfast, cover the cow-juice, lest it curdle]

Jacinda Ardern has been a unique magnet for hope in a world looking for political difference […] Told through a bold mash-up of peer and personal sourced material, social media, memes, international late-night chat shows, breakfast television and news, Jacindamania reveals the extremity of responses tiggered by Jacinda Ardern, juxtaposed with a celebration of female empowerment and a new kind of leadership, around compassion and kindness.

There’s more gushiness, but, don’t believe me…read it for yourself:

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And note: if they say, “It’s not disrespectful”, it’s because it is disrespectful, and if they say, “It is important to note this is not a biopic”, it’s because it is a biopic.

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