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Road Kill. Cartoon credit: SonovaMin. The BFD.

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One of the frustrating things in recent weeks is that Chris Hipkins remains the Prime Minister of New Zealand, albeit in a ‘caretaker’ capacity. Even more frustrating is there is still – three and a half weeks after the general election – no firm date on when a government will actually be formed. As usual, it falls to me to suggest a solution. What Mr Christopher Luxon should do is head to Government House and be sworn in as the ‘caretaker’ Prime Minister.

There is no reason, constitutionally, why this cannot happen today – literally right now! The fact it hasn’t happened hitherto in New Zealand is not a reason for Mr Luxon not being immediately sworn into the Prime Ministership this morning, consigning Hipkins to the nearest rubbish bin of history.

Road Kill. Cartoon credit: SonovaMin. The BFD.

The closest precedent was in 1972 when Gough Whitlam (and his deputy) were sworn in as a caretaker ministry of two the day after the federal election, pending the final counting of votes and distribution of preferences under their election system. It did lead to a rather odd situation – which even Whitlam admitted in his book “felt rather strange” – of him holding several dozen portfolios at the same time.

But were it to happen in New Zealand – and I said it should have occurred the Monday after the election, October 16th – the Governor-General would agree for several reasons:

1. Mr Luxon can undoubtedly win a vote of confidence in Parliament

2. He would make no important decisions unless a (unforeseen at the time) crisis occurred

3. A lot of time has elapsed since election day

4. The final results are known.

There is another, unspoken – well, OK, I am going to speak it – reason why it would be a marvellous idea. It would speed up the forming of a new government quite considerably. Luxon as Prime Minister-elect is one thing; Luxon as ‘David I am already Prime Minister and you’re wasting my time’ is quite another (if you know what I mean).

Not only that but as a dozen or so senior National MPs also get sworn in as caretaker ministers David and Winston may start to worry they’re missing the bus which has already left the station: time to sign coalition agreements lest Mr Luxon decides to, well, just continue as a minority government – National governing alone – pending a confidence vote in Parliament.

The phantasm of “coalition talks past” is all very well; when you’re dealing with misfits like Seymour they tend to suddenly feel incredibly important at their ability to string things out, and pretend they’re incredibly powerful, but the rest of us are getting heartily sick and tired of having a socialist government. Time to put us out of our misery.

It is not as if ACT and Winston have not had ample time to get over their small egos and do the right thing by New Zealand. One presumes the delays are entirely due to them both holding out for things which the electorate didn’t vote for on October 14th, but also notice that Peter Dunne – who isn’t a narcissistic egomaniac – was able to sign coalition agreements very quickly on four occasions.

So yes Mr Luxon; go and see the Governor-General and get sworn in as our new Prime Minister; not only Christmas but also the next general election is just around the corner and we’d kinda like a conservative Tory government before then. Egos and foot-stamping tantrums be damned.

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