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Kamal Harris was declared President for life after Joe Biden ‘resigned’ in embarrassment.
He had wandered out onto a huge outdoor stage in front of the White House to address the world’s press, trouserless, saying, “Where am I? Look at my hairy legs” and then sniffed the hair of Greta Thunberg.
She had sailed over from Europe on a pal’s carbon zero yacht especially for the event and is now undergoing counselling.
After Biden had been bundled off and sectioned, Harris thanked a long list of backers for her success.
In an oblique reference to those democrats who have left this mortal coil but still have a keen interest in elections, she praised all those voters who could only be there in spirit.
She also thanked the media for their tireless support, the CCP, the pandemic, the vote counters, postal workers, computer programmers for their helpful glitches and her wealthy billionaire social media backers – saying a cheap supply of Indian IT experts will now once again flow into the US.
She also made mention of Jacinda Ardern – criticising the Twitter lynch mob who had attacked Ardern because she had not publicly come out in support for her and Biden during the election campaign.
She said that while it would have been very beneficial to have her support she was pleased Ardern had held her tongue as they didn’t want to be accused of having outside interference due to a massive landslide victory.
She went on to say that Jacinda was a role model for all young women. She had shown that the short-cut to gaining power was by coat-tailing on a powerful, old and bewildered man.
She explained, that while Jacinda has now achieved power in her own right (by the tried and true method of controlling the narrative from a position of strength) she showed it was better to be appointed to the position first, rather than to fruitlessly try to be elected on your own merit.
She also expressed great sympathy for Ardern’s media empire saying that they would have nothing to report on now that Trump was locked up and out of sight.
She dramatically announced that Ocasio-Cortez would be Vice President, which would be another world first and a shining example to the world: two women, appointed rather than elected to the most powerful positions in the world.
Her first job as President would be to continue the removal of all historic statues as they are potent symbols of white supremacy.
First to go would be the Statue of Liberty, which expresses outdated concepts like individual freedom and democracy. There was also a need to further impoverish the nation, as wealth and wellbeing are a patriarchal white male construct.
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