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John Black
stuffednz.net
‘I’ve followed all Jacinda’s Covid advice to the letter,’ said Wayne Merino, 38, a moron from Pt Chevalier. ‘But her latest advice about the new level 3 steps had me all confused. I thought it was now compulsory to have a picnic with your hairdresser. So I called up Raphael and we headed off to Cornwall Park. We had a lovely day actually.’
A spokesperson for the ministry of Covid Hysteria told STUFFED that the Prime Minister’s new steps weren’t confusing at all. “It’s really quite simple. Outdoor activities such as picnics, swimming or pig hunting are now allowed in Auckland provided they involve less than 10 people from no more than 2 bubbles with a vaccination rate of no less than 70% and a Maori and Pacifica quota of no less than 20% and everyone is completely wrapped in polyurethane.
Hairdressers and shops can open with 2-metre physical distancing, QR code scans, saliva tests and pinky promises that no one will cough, sneeze or hock a loogie in the vicinity of a customer.
Restaurants and cafes must seat customers chronologically according to when they were first vaccinated and take a blood and stool sample after they have finished dining. See, all very simple and practical.”
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