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Kay O’Lacey
wokejoke.nz
Information
Satire
With the 2023 election looming, many Kiwis have lamented the appalling lack of policy announcements coming so far from the National Party under its new leadership.
Fears of National presenting no more than a ‘Labour-lite’ alternative and/or handing the next election back into the grasp of the far-left next September already have many checking prospects in Australia and points beyond.
But relief that the first of what’s promised to be ‘many’ policy announcements being released by National on Monday quickly turned to despair, as the National spokesman began with the following preamble:
“We’ve carefully looked at demographics and figured that we must avoid any policy positions that may cause white far-left academics to slam us with accusations of racism, climate denialism, transphobia, being Christians, ‘hate speakers’ and so on. These few are quite mad and nasty people who are very quick on the Twitter and to be muchly-feared – just look what they did to the Listener Seven! ”
“Nor can we risk being seen to support farmer’s, people who enjoy our National Parks, fishermen, road users and other such ‘marginal’ groups.”
“With the policy needle being so hard to thread, we’ve adopted an ‘if you can’t please everybody, you may as well please nobody approach’ in our overall policy framework…”
First on National’s hit list is related to what’s lamented in the Policy Release as the ‘bizarre and long-standing situation’ of there only being one Monopolies Commission which National say they will tackle with absolute top priority, once they regain the government benches.
Labour was quick to pounce on National’s new policy by rolling back the covers on their own plan – seemingly already well advanced – of setting-up a Maori Monopolies Commission (MMC) with an ‘initial’ $1,000,000,000 of funding. MMC is set to bring ‘iwi-based competition’ to the Monopolies scene, with staffing of key roles already filled by relatives of a prominent member of the Labour caucus.
Worse for National, independent polling confirms that they have completely missed the mark on this one, with as many as 81% of respondents reporting that they had never even heard of the Monopolies Commission.
