Sheriff Ardern pushed through the doors of the Karangahake Saloon and let them swing behind her.
Through the gloom she saw Grunter at the bar and flumped on a stool beside him.
SHERIFF ARDERN:
I’ll need a couple of Red-Eyes to get through this one. We got a trouncing in the Tron by a couple of baldies. Tama the Bald and Luxflakes. But aren’t they a reflection of each other, they look like two bald eagles together. I think I’ll shave my hair off and look like a penitent.
GRUNTER:
You know which country has the Bald Eagle as its symbol don’t you? America!
SHERIFF ARDERN:
Luxflakes told us he was the underdog but didn’t tell us he would be dog-whistling at the same time with his military academies for 15–17-year-olds. Tama the Bald quickly added that recruits would not be expected to do a thousand press-ups in the snow at Waiouru Military camp. Marshall Allan tried to help us out at the Saloon by saying crime had gone down but didn’t refer to Ram Raids which have gone up 500% which are just too obvious.
We can thank the Shamen for dropping us in this and shaming us with a 16% loss.
Plus Tama The Bald got 46% of the vote after Luxflakes said these heists were planned in South Auckland Garages.
The Tron Townsfolk didn’t seem to like All Waters Law and neither did the Te Pati Maori and Sage Green. Now, who did I put in charge of Local Government? If I can just put a name to the face. I told the Chroniclers the Entrenchment Clause was not necessarily something I was aware of.
Neither was Luxflakes and the Stalker as done under urgency.
GRUNTER:
So it’s not all our fault.
SHERIFF ARDERN:
M’Hooter told me I should have read the 200-page SOP report. That is why M’Hooter is there. I told Aotearoa we had made a mistake. Three Waters could be our Calvary and we could die on a hill. Oh wait, Calvary was Easter not Christmas.
GRUNTER:
We’ve really got to stop Chronicler Cougher spitting on us every week in the “Ferald”.
We might have to challenge him to a game of DARTs.
DART stands for Disinformation and Response Team. While they are at it they can look into Vices for Freedom, BFD, an acronym for Bad For Democracy and that Half-Baked Woman Chantelle.
SHERIFF ARDERN:
Jack-Up seems to have come off badly at the shootout at the OK Corral with Not so Tame. Jack-Up missed quite a few shots. Chronicler Cougher had quite a lot to say about it.
Wellington-based Chronicler Cocky Cohen writing for “Tell a Lie” in the Old Country has been spreading it around over there that my popularity has gone down the gurgler or even the Mighty Waikato River with each dismal poll and the prospect of winning the next election is even scantier. Cocky concludes that the Kiwis’ love affair with me is over.
Even the “Ferald” Chronicler Trevett says The Tron is a bellwether for the upcoming election. Dangerous at that. I could be on shaky ground in the Shaky Isles. Rubbing it in she said Winners are Grinners.
ABBA puts it quite well in “Winner Takes it All” and in this case, in the Tron, it’s the NACTS taking it all.
“I don’t wanna talk about the things we’ve been through, Though it’s hurting Me now, its history, I’ve played all my cards and that’s what you’ve done too, Nothing more to say, no more ace to play. The Winner takes it all, the loser standing small, Beside the Victory that’s her destiny”.
