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Sheriff Collins and the Capital Letters Gang

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Satire

KIA ORA,

It was a ‘FOR WHO THE BELLS TOLL MOMENT’ for the RED QUEEN when the bells started clanging behind her in Dunedin on the AM show on Tuesday.

JOHN DONNE the English poet/preacher wrote:

‘Therefore send not to knowFor whom the bells tollIt tolls for thee’

Hemingway titled his great book ‘FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS’ on this.

I couldn’t help noticin’ her ‘evangelical smiling’ on the same show.

This was because she knew the Ockers were coming here for the Bledisloe before we did. Did her bestie Scomo help? They talk once a fortnight don’t ya know.

The Wallabies got a ‘GET OUT OF QUARANTINE FREE CARD’ whereas the relatives of dying relatives here in rest-homes didn’t. This is part of the RED QUEEN’S ‘BE KIND POLICY’.

I wonder who will be PM at that second test on the day after the election?

We didn’t govern last time even though we got more votes than them because we had ‘NO MATES’. I must look around and see if I can find some.

ROBERTSON looked stymied when the Treasury Books were opened.

It reminded me of the opening of the books on the coming day of Judgement, but without the accompanying trumpet blast.

I have got one word for the ‘Revelations’: CATASTROPHIC.

PARADISE LOST!

What’s got into Simon Wilson at the ‘FERALD’? He is being reasonable. He said ‘I wasn’t the ‘Wicked witch’ any more than Ardern was the ‘Fairy godmother’.

A couple of other pundits there said, it was a ‘boring election’ and both main parties have the same SPIEL. The only interesting thing about it was that the election was put off a month. HEATHER says there is nothing particularly jazzy or surprising about us.

I’ve at least got one certain vote, that’s the guy in Te Aroha who has a tattoo of me as a Bond girl with a gun.

We have just announced some ‘jazzy’ tax cuts. Those earning up to $20,000 will get a reduction in tax of over $500 and middle-income earners will be better off by $3,000 dollars. This is a temporary tax cut for 16 months.

The RED QUEEN is getting desperate. They are banding about that discredited phrase, “We went hard and early”, in their advertising. Everyone knows they didn’t. They almost look embarrassed when they say it. I suppose you do when you know you are ‘LYIN’. Taiwan closed the borders in December. The RED QUEEN hung back till late March hoping to fit in the Christchurch memorial, while the COVID GANG were takin’ up residence.

FLEETWOOD MAC in their song ‘LiTTLE LIES’ tells it better than I could.

If I could turn the page in time then I’d rearrange just a day or twoClose my eyes, close my eyes, but I couldn’t find a way,So I’ll settle for one day to believe in youTell me, tell me, tell me lies,Tell me sweet little lies,Oh, no you can’t disguise,Tell me lies,Tell me sweet little lies.

ARCHANGEL MICHAEL (Morrah) has uncovered some more LIES on Newshub. But we know who is the ‘only source of truth’ don’t we.

THE CAPITAL LETTERS GANG

THE WORM HAS TURNED!

Civil disobedience on the streets of AUCKS. JLR and BTK of the Advance Party are busting open the MATRIX, the ‘mind control people’ with their short notice assemblies.

JLR has taken a ‘hundy’ bet with GALLOPING GARNER (Garner) that BTK will win the TE TAI TOKERAU seat. This is not as fanciful as it sounds as BRAINS (Braunias) said the same a couple of months ago. TOVA said ‘not a snowflakes chance in hell’.

You know a fringe group has got recognition when the cartoonists feature them.

BODY and EMMERSON. Very funny!

THE TWERK

TO BE CLEAR (Trevett) has said the TWERK (Seymour) has suddenly become the voice of reason. The LITTLE TWERK has taken the place of the little boy in the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale who is chirping from the sidelines, “The empress has no clothes”.

He says the “parents will have nothing to do” with the extension of school meals and teeth cleaning lessons with free toothbrush and toothpaste. Nanny state in operation.

Trouble is he has “a lot of friends” As AIRWAVES PETE says. He may pinch some of ours.

BIG DON

There is a lot of ‘fire and rain’ in his country at the moment. He has the HUTZPAH to front up in California and say it’s “Forest management”.

He will have to “drain the swamp” in Alabama as well, as alligators have joined the floodwaters in towns.

He will have another reason to complain about China, because of their worldwide database. Some of us are on it as well. I wonder if I’m on there?

Navalny was probably poisoned in his hotel room, not the cup of tea.

You couldn’t help be impressed with his beautiful family around the bedside.

KA PAI,

Here’s looking at you kid (Ardern)

Down the hatch,

PUNCH and JUDY

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