Table of Contents
Information
Satire
In the latest NewsHub push poll, the Greens have rocketed into the lead with an astounding 100% support. Labour and National are on zero. Tova O’Brien called the poll a historic moment in Aotearoa.
The questions asked were:
1) Would you vote for the Green Party if Jacinda Ardern was the leader?
2) Would you vote for the National Party if Donald Trump was the leader?
3) Would You vote for the Labour party if Michelle Boag was the leader?
When contacted about the poll by The Woke Examiner, the Greens’ supreme co-leader Marama Davidson said, “obviously people understand there is an extreme climate emergency. Only by instigating a Green Aotearoa under treaty principles can we save the entire world.”
When it was pointed out that the 100% result may be due to Ardern’s popularity Davidson said, “Jacinda would be welcomed as a future co-prime minister.
When we take power, her superb captain’s call expertise would be put to good use.”
Assistant co-leader James Shaw (future minister of pedal power) said, “within 30 days of taking office we will put our Green transport blitzkrieg plan into effect. All motorised vehicles will be junked. The replacement pedal power will be in line with mana whenua tikanga.”
He went on to say, “pedal power is the way forward. All roads will be repurposed as cycle-ways and painted in rainbow colours the length of New Zealand. The whole world will be watching in anticipation.”
The other wings of the Green Party, Forest and Bird and Greenpeace, broke out into a soulful karakia on hearing the news.
Man-bun collectives the length of the country were out on the streets with tears of joy in their eyes.
In other poll news: In Rome, a convocation of cardinals have voted for the Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern to be canonised while still living (honorary until she converts) – another world first. The Cardinals noted she performed the miracle of resurrecting Marxism by hugging its corpse. She will become St Cindy, patron saint of all knownuddinaboudanythinks and forked tongues, filling an increasingly ominous black hole.
If you enjoyed this Satirical BFD article share it with your friends.
