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Satire
A discussion document leaked to The Woke Examiner shows that state control of all farms is now complete.
It details how a long term plan using Health and Safety measures, the Resource Management Act, principles of Te Treaty, the zero-carbon target, COVID lockdowns and now, freshwater reforms – has worked to achieve total control of all farms/land in accordance with UN agendas 2021 and 2030.
Illustration credit HangonaMin. The BFD.
The extremely long and wordy discussion document labelled CONFIDENTIAL – WOKE EYES ONLY was co-authored by Environmental ministers David Parker and James Shaw.
It gloats that all the controls imposed by the various acts over the years have completely straitjacketed farming and fortuitously negated the need for costly nationalisation by compulsory land purchases. The government now has virtual ownership and the farmers have the title in name only.
Due to push-back on freshwater reforms, the document urges all cabinet ministers and senior bureaucrats to double down on the tried and trusted methods of running interference.
1) Ramp up the continual stream of vague and confusing information through our trusted media agents and network of social media influencers.
2) Report any opposition we receive to our trusted media agents and social media influencers – labelling it conspiracy theories or fake news. Label worrisome individuals as far-right, and in particular encourage doxing – to act as a warning to others.
3) When questioned by a rogue journalist, give lengthy and incomprehensible explanations – imply they are stupid or not part of the team for asking such questions – contact our twitter attack-team supervisor to launch twitter lynch mobs onto the individual.
4) When pressed for clarification, ask to repeat the question. Misinterpret the question or claim more work is needed to be done and you are working on it – or imply it is trivial and you have been too busy doing more important work.
The document also says that due to the pushback by farmers on the anti-pugging measures, Parker and Shaw are attempting to mitigate the situation with the following measures:
1) All cattle are to be fitted with anti pugging hoof-wear (similar to snowshoes) and urine spreader showerheads. The showerheads will limit urine flow to 2 litres per minute allowing a much more even coverage.
2) All cattle will have to practice social distancing of at least 20 metres to prevent over saturating the paddocks.
A $300.00 instant fine and social media shaming will be applied for each non-compliance.
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