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Hollywood Correspondent: The 1979 American satire movie “Being There” starring Peter Sellers is to be remade with a strong female lead.
Instead of Chance the gardener, the plot will have Cindy, a simple-minded ex fish-and-chip-shop assistant who lived all of her adult life in the sheltered workshop of the Labour party.
Her knowledge of the world was derived entirely from her time in IUSY and her circle of media pals in Grey Lynn.
After a series of disastrous opinion polls which confirmed that the then leader Andrew Little was dead from the neck up, she was thrown into the the leadership of the Labour Party.
As a young, naive woman who dressed like a bag lady and delivered pop philosophy in mangled English while hugging everyone, journalists and children alike found her very relatable.
After the following election she was taken under the wing of a seasoned political mover and shaker who appointed her Prime Minister after misinterpreting her claims of ending child poverty and building a hundred thousand affordable homes as achievable, rather than aspirational.
On the world stage, other leaders and expert journalists found her ability to speak with gushing enthusiasm and believability worthy of huge respect and emulation.
She was credited as being able to project wisdom and insightfulness from a vacuum.
A CGI female version of Peter Sellers will play the leading role. It will still be set in the happier times of 1979 and all the central characters including world leaders will be cast as women, black or both.
It will be history in the remaking.
TWE Ardern Policy Explainer: The Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern today announced the the creation of a new ministry to be called KARENZ.
It will be staffed entirely by women in the twenty to thirty something age group.
They will have the power to give instant fines and in some cases impose prison sentences for anything they feel transgresses edicts from the podium of truth.
A snazzy uniform styled after East Germany’s Volkspolizei has been ordered from manufacturers in China and is expected to arrive some time within the next few weeks.
Jacinda Ardern said their motto, COMPLIANCE IS KINDNESS, dreamed up by Labour’s ad agency, was worth every cent of the $30m it cost.
KARENZ will be armed with bullhorns and cattle prods. They are expected to be roving the streets within weeks.
Prisons throughout Aotearoa are being emptied of non-essential prisoners in anticipation of an influx of miscreants.
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