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Speaking from the throne in her Facebook bunker, the Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, today, announced a Great Reset in her thinking.
“As officially one of the world’s great thinkers of our time, I have come to the conclusion that diversity must be applied not just to the population make-up but in all areas of Aotearoa, particularly the environment.”
“The deification of words such as ‘indigenous’ and ‘natives’ were examples of how the environmental movement has racism baked into its DNA”, she said.
“This vile discrimination does not fit in with my vision of a kind and diverse Aotearoa. I will no longer tolerate the tunnel-visioned view of the racists amongst us. Such words will be declared hate speech.
“The continual negative emphasis on non-native species promotes nationalist and fascist attitudes.”
“Why should more value be attached to so-called ‘native’ or ‘indigenous plants and wildlife?”, she asked.
Hateful terms like ‘pests’, ‘predators’, ‘invasive’ and ‘weeds’ are predicated on unconscious ideas of what and who does not belong.
“They are ideas that are in large part, the bedrock of xenophobia and racism.
“Such use in future will incur a hefty jail sentence.
“Homogeneity is weakness, diversity is strength.
“In keeping with my new world-first concept of ‘Wholeness Diversity’ DOC will be repurposed as a facilitator – rather than as a handbrake on true diversity.
“They will actively encourage the spread of so called ‘invasive weeds’ like wilding pines, old man’s beard, gorse and blackberry.
“Actually, encouraging wilding pines will in fact aid my heroic fight against carbon. It is estimated that if left to nature, wilding pines and gorse would make Aotearoa carbon neutral overnight.
“This fits beautifully with my philosophy of appearing to do nothing but conversations and banning stuff.
“I look forward to equity and increased wellbeing in our diverse biomass.”
When contacted for comment, the Green Party praised Jacinda Ardern as a visionary. “At last we can drop all the environmental nonsense which has been a deadweight to achieving our goal of creating a socialist utopia”, they said.
“To paraphrase the great pop philosopher of our time, Criss Jamie:
‘In order to achieve, you initially have to look like a fool: clever transformational change is like a wheel which spins so fast – that at first glance to most – it appears to be sitting still.’”
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