Professor Rex Ahdar
University of Otago
Forget the NBA or NHL Finals. Who cares about UEFA Euro 2024 and the Super Rugby Pacific semi-finals? We have the Intersectionality Playoffs 2024.
Despite a poor regular season, the Free Palestine coalition have made it through to their first semi-finals in many years since the golden Intifada Dynasty of head coach, Sheikh Sheikh Sheikh Djibouti.
The evergreen Combat Climate Change marauders are in their 10th post-season in a row.
The Aotearoa Maori Sovereignty franchise come into the semi-finals with the best regular season record and have been strengthened by the signing of powerhouse Rawiri Waiteetree from the Cowboys.
Finally, the Rainbow Coalition round out the top four. Their appeal was successful after being earlier docked three points for fielding too many players in rounds five and six. The RC lawyer explained that Marco van Geyserbergen was just one player despite his pronouns being them/they.
As usual, number one plays number four and the middle two face each other.
Predictions? Not easy. As Yogi Berra said, “It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”
I’ll go for Free Palestine to edge past the Rainbow Coalition. Their Triple H (Hamas, Hezbollah and Houti…do I need to spell this out, Del Boy?) forward line is rapidly achieving near death-cult-like status. I don’t see the Rainbow defence holding them out for the entire 60 minutes. A persistent injury to future hall of famer, LGBTQ tight-end Travis Kelp and the sacking of kicker Harrison Butt-Kicker have not helped their cause.
The other semi-final is equally tight. AMS look to have a fitter and stronger squad and Combat Climate Change will be hampered by the loss of key playmaker James Shaw to the capitalists. (Strange how he switched codes, but then there’s fair bit of that these days, eh Rodney.)
So it looks like a Free Palestine versus Aotearoa Maori Sovereignty final. The venue has yet to be decided and this may be a major factor. Free Palestine do not want it in Christchurch. I can see AMS agreeing to a venue change so long as the League powers-that-be agree to giving them the usual indigenous five-point head start.
If pushed to pick a winner, I’ll come down on Free Palestine, but don’t put the house on it. So it’s Free Palestine over Aotearoa Maori Sovereignty by six points with player of the final (the OJ Simpson Trophy) awarded to Johnny ‘Be Good’ Minto.
