Graham Bedford
Sick of being lied to, I went in search of the truth. If you ignore the climate scam, then in all cases the truth is less palatable than the lies.
Scenario 1: The photo below is what I can cram into my car for the tip run.
Mrs GOG is trimming plants, including lethal rose stems. “Can you fetch the yellow bucket?”
GOG: Jawohl Mein Fuhrer.
Mrs GOG fills the yellow bucket, and then asks GOG to transfer the contents into one of the many bags, that we use for transporting such content to the tip.
GOG does as he is asked, avoids getting thorns in his hand, and sweeps up the small volume that was dropped in the transfer.
GOG takes another bag to Mrs GOG
GOG: Here’s a suggestion: Place your cuttings direct into the bag. To save me doing any work other than dropping off empty bags and collecting full bags.
Scenario 2: Frozen dog food
Mrs GOG: “You forgot to take food out of the freezer for the dogs last night.”
GOG: “Yes, I’ll take that one on the chin, as I fed them, but it is a team effort.”
Mrs GOG: Put one of those frozen bags of meat into the microwave, select ‘Defrost’ for 10 minutes.
GOG: How about saving electricity and filling a container with hot water and leaving it in there for 10 minutes.
Mrs GOG: It will cook!
GOG: Really? The temperature of the water is 60 degrees max. That will immediately fall as you place a sachet of frozen meat in it.
Mrs GOG: Do what you want.
GOG: I will – bowl of hot water it is.
Scenario 3: The mobile heating thermostat
I have covered in another article, my overly complicated and underperforming heating system: https://www.freespeechbacklash.com/article/boilers-and-cockups
My system fails to achieve the setpoint of 20 degC in the depths of winter. For numerous reasons: No radiator in the corridor we sit that thermostat in, the door to the utility room from that corridor is open to let the dogs through, then out the house via a dog flap. The utility room also does not have a radiator. Plus, we have so many failed double-glazing units throughout the house.
Mrs GOG: The temperature is only at 18 degC.
GOG: Yes, I know, there is nothing I can do.
Mrs GOG: How about we increase the setpoint to 22 degC?
Scenario 4: The eggs
Mrs GOG: we need to buy half a dozen large eggs, as what we have bought are mediums, and the cake mix asks for four large.
GOG: How about you use five mediums.
Mrs GOG: Yes, I suppose that would work.
Scenario 5: The electronic parking brake
GOG: I wish I knew what that motor stopping noise from the rear of the car is, when we pull up and turn the engine off.
Mrs GOG: It will be the auto parking brake engaging.
GOG: We do not have it on this car.
Mrs GOG: It has to be.
GOG: We had it on the VW, this Volvo is three years older and does not have it. We have an electronic handbrake, but it must be manually applied, and we never apply it. We just leave the car in ‘Park’. And for me, it works the wrong way round: push it to apply, it should be pull to apply, as in mimicking a manual handbrake…that must had been designed by a woman!
For the tyre kickers intrigued, I believe the noise is the Haldex hydraulic pump for the AWD system.
Here is my stupidity: I thought my Volvo XC70 was permanent four-wheel drive. It isn’t: it is front-wheel drive, and the Haldex system engages the rear wheels on demand. Demand being identifying slippage of the front wheels/tyres.
I am intrigued by how often the rear wheels are driven. I suspect not very often, which means you are driving around with all this additional hardware and fuel consumption, for the ‘if and when’ situations. More to also go wrong. [...]
Stop Press: I feel guilty about making Mrs G look a bit of a twerp, she is not. She has a decree* (not in sociology) and is fluent in three languages. GOG has CSEs and can hardly speak English. So a bit more self-flagellating deprecation is required:
Scenario 6: Newcastle-Under-Lyme
A few of us spend a weekend drinking and eating beans on toast, at a mate’s flat, as he is at uni there. We have been visiting all the local pubs. When GOG comes out with this unforgettable blonde (ooh: stereotyping!) moment gem:
“We have met so many people here in Newcastle, but I have yet to hear a Geordie accent!”
This article was originally published by the Free Speech Backlash.
*Ed’s note: When reading the comments under the original post (very funny if you follow the link), I saw someone had commented on GOG’s “Freudian slip” decree. GOG replied: “That is so funny, I am leaving it in. I am far wittier when I don’t intend being.”
